Hey, Sabine. Just a reminder, seeing this post and your other, that Sam had asked for a temporary limit on posts like these for the time being, and a focus instead here in our interactions with you on helping you find a new therapist. Can you honor that limit for now, please? Thanks. Thanks so much...

I’m still thinking about the woman in Northern Ireland I want to get to know more. We have been getting to know eachother for a some weeks, but she stopped messaging me and hasn’t replied since two weeks. We were planning a date on a week of my finals, Friday, we even had a time. But she had a heada...

Hi Sabine, Generally speaking, being gentle and direct is a sound way to approach breaking up with someone. Too, if you two decide you want to remain friends, it still may be a good idea to take a little time away from each other, since trying to shift straight from dating into friendship can make ...

I’m dating someone in California and she gives me so much love and affection. However, I realize that love and affection cannot sustain a relationship alone. We don’t have much in common and a bunch of thoughts made me realize we are better off as friends. Also, I realize that I have to mainly be th...

Can you make an agreement with yourself to, in the next few days, sit down with your mom and really make a plan for finding a therapist based on the information she's found so far? (I do want to add that, while it's helpful to be able to differentiate between someone yelling at you and someone yell...

Hi Sabine, Looking over you posts, both in this thread and previous ones, I think we've hit a point where we've given you most of the advice and resources we have to help you with this situation and your other romantic concerns. What I'm going to ask is that, for the next little while, we focus onl...

And I also realize there is nothing wrong with my current relationship, I just want that someone else to be there as well. Oh god, I feel like scum just saying it. Like I long for her so bad because we have a lot in common and she seems to like me too! For obsessing and blaming and shaming myself fo...

Update 2: One more update on this forum about the situation. I have talked to my mom and I have come to it that in some part it is an obsession. I keep thinking that her having that head sore was a preset for her to ghost me. But, I try to think the ladder: she’s distracted with her job and/or she i...

I'm glad those stories look promising! Did you manage to have a conversation with your mom? I did kind of. More about the situation and how to solve it better. I brought it up indirectly and she’s working on it. Perhaps she also suggested desensitization training, where I don’t think people being f...

Update: when I self advocated tp her, she responded that she will do better and that I am not letting her down. She just is forgetful sometimes and hyperactive, combined with her being stuck on certain things and being so excited. Specifically, I said for her when sharing content during video chatti...

I realize that my intense longing for her in part is due to my own relational struggles and trying to set boundaries. I also tell myself that maybe it’ll take a little time for her to recover, so I wouldn’t want to spam her so much with messages. Still, I’m so worried about her. I’m reading poetry f...

I can understand and see how both worry about her well-being and wanting that validation have snowballed for you. I'm sorry that that's happened. I think that sometimes one of the toughest parts of dating is finding the balance between letting yourself get invested enough to really engage with the ...

Just to make sure I understand, have you come around to feeling like your worry about the Irish girl's well-being is obsessive -- as in, she's probably fine, and you need to let that go for *your* well-being -- but what you remain worried about is how she feels about you? And you're also worried ab...

And when I mean the one person I mean the Irish girl. I am worried that it is becoming an obession, since my OCD may creep into my crushes. But I don’t know, my longing for her is quite normal considering that the last message she left me is that she is sick and she wanted to videochat with me as mu...

Okay, gotcha! Thanks for giving me a fuller picture. I think I have a better idea of what it all looks like in context now. I do think that you might be overthinking a lot of this, and that some of the secret to improving relationships for you might well be doing some letting go. You've talked here...

So, when you're NOT focusing on these relationships -- either by actively engaging in them or by talking about them here or thinking about them (which I was also asking about in my question, sorry if that wasn't clear!) -- or in Animal Crossing, what else has got your time and energy? Just trying t...

I don’t know about her progress. I really want to prioritize this. She’s coming home soon and I really would like to talk to her about it next. I try not too so much and thank you so much for reassuring that. I fear that I may be holding wrong opinions, but I have my reasons and only apply it to me,...

This may be an odd question, but do you feel like you ever got guidance about how to differentiate between a crush or other strong romantic feelings and an obsession? Too, what do you want to happen with the California girl? Do you want to keep up a friendship? Explore, in the future, the possibili...

Sabine, Before I say more, can you give me an idea about how much of your time and energy is being spent right now on these relationships and how much on other areas of your life? Obviously, since when you come here, they're what you talk most about, it's hard for us to get a sense of how they exis...

This is from another forum post, but I just want to share my complex feelings with the complex situation. I kind of feel a little bad but there is room to improve and to make it right. I have a deep connection to a girl in California, but I cannot meet her, perhaps in a long time due to COVID and th...

My mom is mainly figuring that out. And funny thing is that a comment dad made about a therapist (about me not using my strategies or not using it enough) made me hurt myself while saying “I guess I won’t have a therapist” and playing Animal Crossing. My mom asked, I told her about it and I said I g...

Hi Sabine, If you're at a point where you're harming yourself, that's a sign that it's time to up the search for mental healthcare and find someone who can help you, or call in emergency mental healthcare if it gets worse. Have you ever spoken to a therapist, past or present, about these behaviors?...

Today while cleaning, my dad got frustrated with me when I didn’t listen twice. I got frustrated in return, so I hit myself and bit myself on the hand. :cry: Because I am autistic and because I mainly hit myself and bite myself, I am deeply ashamed. Despite me having little autistic behaviors, I do ...

I think sending her that message and then doing your best to step back and give her space to reply when she's ready, like you're doing, is the right call! Thanks so much! I hope she’s okay and in the end I don’t obsess. I want to also address two things. I truly do love my relationship with the gir...

Well, I sent my message to the Irish girl. A short sweet message. I hope that she will see it and reply to it and that she feels better. Some part of me wonders that she said she had a head sore because she didn’t want to talk to me, but then I remember she apologized for that and that she replied p...