Hi Sascha.k, First off, it’s okay to not have a definitive “answer” to your gender and sexuality, it sounds like you’re giving yourself room to think about your identities, and that’s great! There’s no pressure to put labels on yourself if it feels stressful, only if they are helpful for you. Regard...

Hi junescats123, There is a wide range of “wetness” people with vulvas experience while aroused - not only between people, but it varies for each person depending on the day or experience! If you are uncomfortable during masturbation, you can try using lube (either purchased, or some people use coco...

Hi Berkeley2003, I’m glad you were able to schedule an initial consultation! I understand wanting to have good coping mechanisms in place for OCD before possibly exploring your gender, as that process can come with a lot of processing and emotions. But I also don’t want you to feel like you have to ...

Hi there! You have a strong understanding of the negative ways the social media checking behavior is affecting your life, recognizing that is a really important first step. And now you’ve taken a second step by blocking them, so you should definitely feel proud of how far you’ve come already :) What...

Oof yeah, it’s better not to get close to someone who outwardly admits to using you for social gain. I understand how painful it can be to be lonely or miss having friendships, but it’s not worth it to make “friends” with someone who will cause you pain. If making friends “doesn’t go well”, it won’t...

Hi there, I can try giving some suggestions of ways to respond to your friend. I very much respect that you need more time to process and “think or talk” about your friend, so please only take these suggestions if they are helpful to you and take all the time you need! And I 1000% agree with valerie...

Hi there, If you’re just starting out with something new, it’s okay to take things slowly as you explore! One way you could do this with BDSM is to start exploring on your own or with masturbation. This could be looking into erotica with a BDSM focus, or creating your own. You could also try incorpo...

Hello fellow emily! Maybe you’ve already had this conversation with them, but here are my thoughts: If they feel like they “weren’t getting through to you”, you could describe that spanking does not help you understand why what you did was wrong, but only intensifies your feelings of frustration/ali...

Hi wolfcub, The feeling of not being “enough” is totally awful, I’m sorry. It sounds super cliche, but it really is true - like Sofi said, just be being authentically yourself is “enough” and will likely be the best way of connecting with someone you want to date. I can imagine that it’s frustrating...

Hi Theansweris42, I’m so relieved to hear that the holiday went overall better than expected! I think it’s true that people can care about you and still hurt you, or do/say things that aren’t in your best interest. Like Elise said, asking people to respect the boundaries you set around your personal...

Hi Theansweris42, I’m sorry your upcoming time with your family is causing stress, it’s totally understandable considering they aren’t accepting of your identity and may be controlling over how you live your life these next two weeks - it’s totally reasonable to feel emotional about that. I don’t ha...

I love this question! Living with other queer people, I have been supported in exploring my gender identity and expression the past year. I had mentioned to my housemates that I was interested in trying a different, more gender neutral name. Without even asking, one of them switched immediately and ...

Hi harry-p59, I just wanted to check in and see how you are doing? Did you have a chance to talk with the counselor or social worker?

It’s understandable to not know how to proceed with the relationship - you love this person, you have spent years with this person, and most of it was caring and healthy. It’s hard to end something like that, even if right now she is treating you so poorly. From your posts, it sounds like you alread...

I hear you about shopping for clothes, it can be really emotionally difficult. I like that idea of wearing comfortable clothes :) The other thing I'd say is to remember/try not to be upset at yourself for feeling "weird" or like you "don't belong" in your body. I hope you can get...

Hi Raffles, I’m sorry you’re struggling to feel “at home” in your body. And I’m doubly sorry that you feel like you have to “conform” to get interviews!! (but I’m also doing the same thing right now by not getting the haircut I want until after I get a job, so it would be hypocritical of me to tell ...

Hi sandpiper, welcome back! This is a lot to be working through in a relationship <3 I'm sorry to hear your sexual and experiences with your partner have felt unbalanced. While you might enjoy performing acts that center your partner’s pleasure, but sex should never feel one sided. It’s great that y...

I'm glad it was helpful! But, yeah, it's an important thing to be able to recognize that no one person's actions alone can heal someone of trauma and that healing takes time.

Hi Mixxes, welcome to Scarleteen! I’m sorry to hear about the way your partner reacted when you shared your feelings. I would recommend this article, “Relationship Structure and Troubleshooting: Navigating Poly Relationships” . One line that stood out to me: “It’s perfectly normal to ask your partne...

I’m so sorry to hear that. Here are some ideas for helping your boyfriend: - I like this resource as a starting off point: "What to say to a rape or sexual abuse survivor." - Most importantly, believe him, and do not blame him for what happened. - Ask him if there are ways that you can sup...

It’s brave to do something that is both emotionally vulnerable and something you’ve never done before! And it makes sense to get advice from others when doing something new, it definitely helps me with my confidence. And there’s no rush to proclaim your feelings if that’s what you decide, the nice t...

It’s more than fine not to know which label feels right! Like Sam said, our sexualities aren’t finite and unchangeable - as we go through life, we can decide which label feels better for us at the time (if any label). In deciphering what pansexual and bisexual mean, this article is great - “What’s T...

Hi there, I would not describe these situations as directly abusive. The “silent treatment” becomes more abusive when it is used as a way to manipulate another person’s emotions. It sounds like in the end of the situation with your friend, you were able to communicate your feelings with her. It also...

I agree, it can be really difficult to untangle the sources of our own shame surrounding sex. I’m going to guess that most everyone, including people who are sex-positive, still feel sources of shame or influence from "purity culture". Ultimately, if something doesn’t make you feel good, i...

Hi, I’m so sorry you came out of your appointment feeling like your doctor didn’t listen to or address your concerns! Good for you for organizing and expressing your concerns - unfortunately, patients often have to advocate for themselves hard in order to be listened to, and that’s not fair. And you...