I (20F) finally got into my first romantic relationship in August. She was one of my closest friends for several months before I had the courage to ask her out, and we agreed in advance that we’d call things off if the relationship ever stopped working because we didn’t want to lose our friendship. ...

Hi Belled, I think those are all very good insights to have about where certain fantasies came from for you or why crushing on this friend in particular may feel very safe to you. I feel you big time on trying to navigate the "boys and girls can't be friends" message and how that influenc...

It's really interesting to see you say you're into the idea of this guy being a man due to how that fits in better with the sort of couple-y stuff you see out in the world. I pretty often hear young women say (both in talking with folks here at Scarleteen and in my own personal life) that it took t...

Hi Belled, So, you're definitely not the first person to feel this way; plenty of people who are only attracted to one gender have moments where they're like, "hmmm, but I'd make an exception for that person over there." A big part of that has to do with the way sexuality can be fluid. Wh...

Hello! I'm almost 20 years old and I've been identifying as a lesbian for a few years now. I originally thought I was bi, but I haven't had any crushes on guys since I was about 14, and the thought of dating guys generally grosses me out. However, there is one guy who makes me feel confused. I met h...

Hi belled, Those sound like really intense thoughts to be dealing with, and it seems like you already know that they're coming from a place that isn't really rational. And, given the distress they're causing you, I think it's a sound choice to try and work out if there's a deeper source of them, id...

TW: fantasies about violence and rape Hi there. I’m a 19yo girl and I’m 99% sure I’m a lesbian. I had a few crushes on male celebrities or fictional characters when I was about 12, but I think I just struggled with a bit of compulsory heterosexuality back then. I haven’t felt physically attracted to...

Hello there, @anonymous13234! I came across this thread and I was wondering if I could offer some help because I have experienced a very similar situation not too long ago. I struggled with an ED throughout my teen years (I'm 19 now and it's gotten better, but it still gives me trouble sometimes) an...

Hi belled, Honestly, I think more people's experiences with porn are similar to yours than is really talked about. The narrative that's often presented is either people are indiscriminately into it or are completely repulsed by it, which doesn't take into account he diversity of people's actual pre...

I’m a college freshman, and in my previous semester, I developed strong feelings for a girl who didn’t like me back. Even though she didn’t do anything wrong, I still felt really upset about it because she was my first non-celebrity crush. While I was trying to get over her, I started casually watch...

Hi belled -- this sounds like the main culprit impacting your ability to sleep last night was having a lot of caffeine and sugar too close to bedtime, which is a normal reaction to those kinds of substances. As for caffeine and sugar making you horny specifically, that's a bit of a toss up. A lot o...

Is it normal for caffeine and sugar to make you unusually horny? I had coffee and soda after dinner, and I ate tons of sugary food today. Now it’s 3:30 AM, I am wide awake, and I’m feeling so horny that I can’t even lie still in my bed. I’ve noticed that this tends to happen if I have caffeine late ...

One thing you may want to try is setting up some sort of system where you can have a "knock first, please" sign of some sort on the door. When I was in college, a lot of people had small whiteboards on their doors where friends could leave messages and they would draw a certain design or ...

Hi belled -- I'm glad to hear that college is off to a good start for you. I also have ADHD, and I'm glad you're finding ways to cope and work well. I'm comfortable sharing with you that I'm graduate student, and I also don't have a lot of free time for myself. I feel a lot of pressure to use it st...

Hi, it's me again. I made it to college and things have been going pretty well, but I have been extremely busy. I am a full-time student and I am also working 4 hours a day. I have ADHD, so I sometimes take longer to get my homework done because I am so easily distracted. I'm seeing a tutor to help ...

Hi belled, It’s great to hear that things have been going well for you!! It’s exciting that you have found writing as an outlet for your fantasies, it sounds like it allows you to be creative while also creating space for your fantasies in a way that feels comfortable. :) I hope your exams went wel...

How's it going, belled? Actually, things haven’t been too bad lately! Writing down my fantasies has helped get them out of my mind long enough for me to function throughout the day. I still had a couple fantasies in the past week and two wet dreams, but that’s a lot less than what I usually experie...

Hi belled, I wanted to chime in about your last point: sometimes, when we have thoughts or ideas that just keep circling our heads, writing them out can actually be really helpful (even when they're not distressing us and are more making it harder for us to focus on other things we want/need to be ...

I get it. It's no doubt extra tricky in pandemic-times. This kind of thing is one of those I think is really a matter of figuring out what does that for you. For some folks, masturbation takes care of them for a while, while for others that only makes them feel more focused. Something that gets a p...

You're welcome! It just sounds like this is getting outside both our abilities here, but more, outside what this medium offers. I think that what you need here is probably going to be way better delivered in a more private setting at the very least, you know? Both when it comes to the matter of oth...

I appreciate you trusting me to share all of this, belled. I'm so sorry there's so much fear wrapped up in all of this for you in so many ways. You know, to me, this is starting to sound like mental health professional territory in a few ways; like you'd be much better served by someone with that t...

Hey there, belled. Good to see you again. :) I see two prongs to this conversation: 1) making sure that you're not engaging in thinking or behavior that endangers your health in some way, that isn't in some way disordered (and I don't mean because you think it's sexy to be fat -- there's nothing th...

This is so hard… I've struggled with this since I was diagnosed, gaining, etc. I did a few months with a friend from DiabetesStrong and she helped me prep for workouts by treating with low glycemic carbs. It did help, and I changed to glucose tabs only for low blood sugars instead of other snacks. ...

TW: weight, body image Hi, it’s me again. A couple months ago, I posted on here about struggling with changes in my weight. I was doing some unhealthy behaviors so I tried to correct them, but my problem has actually gotten worse and I think I seriously need help. So basically I gained about 10 poun...

If we've been raised to believe that we're responsible for someone else's feelings, it's hard to see that. It sounds like your mother absolutely doesn't mean to do you harm, but she very clearly has her own work to do on whatever has her stuck in this emotional spot and keeps her creating her part ...