Hi Sam, It hurts so much to stay in my body, I am so rarely touched with affection, that any sort of touch seems okay. He tried to part my legs and lick my mouth. I went on autopilot, kissed him back and flew away inside my head. It felt like drowning and burning all at the same time. I think it may...

I matched with this boy on an app. We texted back and forth and sent pictures (regular selfies, not nudes.) He seemed pretty nice and was good looking too. A couple of days ago we decided to meet up. Now what happened after that was super confusing and horrible. It turned out he looked nothing like ...

For the first time I tried talking to someone on a sexual abuse helpline. It was because a very recent (nonsexual but physically violent) assault triggered all sorts of stuff around my past experiences. While the majority of my abuse was not sexual, I have had experienced of sexual abuse, as I've di...

Hi Andy, Thank you. It really means so much to hear from someone else who is walking a similar path. I would like to hear more about your experiences, whatever you are comfortable saying. I don't know how to go about telling friends - all of whom have their own issues - just how bad things have gott...

Hi Latha, I feel like since I'm yet to be officially diagnosed I have no right to call myself "chronically ill" especially because my most prevalent symptom is weakness/paralysis rather than pain. That stops me seeking support. Also, I am ashamed of the seizures. And I am ashamed that I'm ...

Hi Sam, Thank you for your reply. You're right that it's natural to feel unhappy about this, I see that. But the way I talk to myself is absolutely vicious. I want to change that but I genuinely don't know how. I feel like if I'm nice to myself I'll never be able to get on with it. My doctor referre...

Hi, I haven't come here in a while but I thought I would like to write in again because your past responses have been so understanding and validating. I have relocated to the UK. I really like it here, but I've been ill almost nonstop since arriving. I've started having "non epileptic seizures&...

Hi Heather,
Next week is cool too. Please tell me when you're free.
Thanks

Hi Nicole, Thanks for your reply! My psychiatrist says she doesn't know any therapists except one who lives really far away. I'm going to start master's this year to be a therapist too - specialising in children. At this point I'm looking for a diagnosis, which my psychiatrist is taking many session...

Hi Latha and Logan, Thanks for your replies. To be honest, the therapist makes me feel uncomfortable - I had one session with her and she was constantly checking her phone and people were coming into her office without knocking while I was speaking about personal matters. She even went out to deal w...

Hi Hypatia, You have a pretty name - it sounds like a story name! I don't know how to go into my issues - I wouldn't even know where to begin. I've tried both writing and talking, but nothing seems to work! So far I've spoken about my symptoms and a few incidents of (nonsexual) abuse. Every time I g...

Hi Heather, would it be okay to talk one on one?

Dear Sam,
Thank you very much for these resources. If it's no trouble, would you mind brainstorming with me ways to bring up these issues with my psychiatrist, who I'm seeing tomorrow?
Thanks!

Hi Heather,
If it's okay, could we have a chat about death and dying? I need to talk to someone.
Thanks a lot

Thank you Elise for that very thoughtful answer. So, a few things come to mind - I have a psychiatrist, but she's not really the talking kind, more of a 'take your meds and go' sort. I'm not in therapy, though that's hopefully going to start soon. There is no one to tell. As for my C-PTSD, it's supe...

Grounding!! I had such a difficult time with the whole concept because nothing I did seemed to work! Recently though, I made up something that helps me. Paint on your body with non toxic paint, all different colours. I like to do this so the different brushstrokes and colours represent my feelings i...

Hi Carly, Yes, I understand what you mean by triggered - we use it the same way here too. But I was fifteen and over when I was repeatedly assaulted, nowhere as young as I felt on that examination table. If I had to guess, I'd say I felt around five years old. I was never abused that young, so I don...

So I had to have an ECG recently, which is where they stick suction devices onto various parts of the body including the chest. As the nurse pulled and prodded at my breasts, I started crying and saying no, no, no like a very young child. When I had to have a breast ultrasound it was administered by...

No, but I'd like to have such resources. The thing is, I always feel like others had more trauma. Coupled with the fact that my family does not think I warrant a diagnosis of Complex PTSD (despite the psychiatrist saying so.) I liked what you said about my subconscious not getting back at me. With h...

Hi Sam, Yeah, I agree - I think my dreams are my subconscious's way of - kind of getting back at me, if that makes sense? Yes, I do have an illness, plus terrible side effects from the multiple psychiatric meds I've been on the past few years. I don't expect to love my body. Half the time it doesn't...

Hi, I'd really like to chat if anyone's available. I'm not sure what's happening to me, but in dreams I feel intensely aroused. But when I wake up, nothing. No feeling. No sensation whatsoever. Just longing and longing, physical pain, wanting to feel so badly, totally numb. My best friend had sex wi...

Hi Heather,
I never thought saying no could also be a form of sexual empowerment. (Maybe because the term has always been associated with whips and chains, which I have no interest in?)
Thank you so much for your incredibly thoughtful answer

So before anyone reads, I'd like to say I don't mean to offend anyone who likes the stuff I've mentioned (dirty talk, smacking). To each their own, and I respect your choice. I don't mean to be rude to anyone, but I'm strictly writing about my feelings, and others have every right to disagree. Okay,...

Hi Nicole, I couldn't think of anything while masturbating - I physically can't, because I don't know how to. My abuser, or "the offender" as my extremely useless social worker calls her, made sure of that. Part of my PTSD is seeing flashes and hearing voices in my mind, so sometimes I do ...

Hi Sam, No, I'm not in therapy, and I would like online resources, if you could please refer some? What you wrote with the slashes and brackets confused me. Did you mean it falls under sexual assault, abuse, or rape? I thought rape is only when something goes inside? I remember being six and how dis...