I think you're right. Thank you for the supportive words. I'm on a waiting list for therapy concerning childhood and adulthood abuse and trauma. I feel like nothing could fix me, but I haven't exactly got a choice but to try it. I've had Cognitive Behavioural Therapy before, but it did not help. Hop...

I hope it's okay to post this here, but... Same here, pretty much word for word on everything and with the exact same fetishes. I've accepted that they're what I need to orgasm during masturbation. I cannot climax without them, aside from one sole occasion a few years ago, where I brute-forced (lol)...