Hey Sam,

Thanks for responding! Tbh it seems like she wasn’t totally convinced of what I was saying in our second conversation, so I think there could be some awkwardness there.

Not sure what to label this, but I’m dealing with some awkwardness with a friend and IDK how to handle it. Long story short, a while ago she told me about a situation where she said she wasn’t sure whether or not someone did something that was actually non-consensual, but that she felt upset by it s...

That's actually a really interesting question! I think it involves some of what we've been talking about in this thread, particularly around communication and shifting away from seeing sex as something very goal oriented. So, you could practice being confident (or do things that help you be more co...

Hi Sofi, Thanks for responding! I really appreciate all that you wrote. I've found that for myself the sweet spot of being comfortable in a sexual encounter/relationship + enjoying it at the fullest is when I'm a combination of confident [in that no matter how much experience I have compared to the ...

Hi Heather, Always good to hear from you! :) Tbh I hadn’t considered any of those points, especially the idea that even experienced people are “new” in a sense if they’re having sex with someone new. That actually makes a lot of sense. Super flatly, my best advice is that if you ever feel these kind...

Hi Mo, So nice to hear from you! :) Honestly, that’s a really good way to look at it. Like, if anyone I loved thought their insecurities outweighed their positive qualities, I’d be flabbergasted and totally disagree! So, that’s a good point honestly. And I hadn’t considered that just because someone...

Hi Michaela, thanks for responding! Is the main thing that causes this dialogue in your head to happen about less experience that you might have compared to a potential partner? I know Sam has talked about this some with you in the responses above but it is a really common thing that people experien...

I didn’t even consider that it would be information for me too, but that makes sense. I also didn’t think it was common for folks my age to have not had sex for a while, but that also makes sense too now that I think about it. I feel like sometimes with dating I get “imposter syndrome”, you know? Li...

Hi Sam, Thanks for responding! It’s always good to hear from you :) I’ll def check out the zine and use it as a reference. I’m definitely nervous that this will be an instant turn-off for anyone I admit this to, but I also want to give anyone I’m interested in a chance to decide whether or not this ...

Hi all! Hope y’all are doing well :) Thanks to EMDR, I’ve been slowly putting myself back out there dating-wise after a rough breakup that happened earlier this year. Problem is, I’m scared of being bad at sex given that 1. It’s been a long time (think several years) since I’ve slept with anyone and...

Hi Carly and Nicole, Wow, these are all really eye-opening points! @Carly - You’re right, this could just be my self-esteem taking a hit that’s making me assume that everything is hunky-dory on their end. That actually makes sense the more I think about it… wow. And yeah, blocking would probably hel...

Thankfully, I have an individual therapist, but I’m waiting to hear back from my former EMDR therapist to see if she has any availability. I’ve found EMDR to be helpful in the past when dealing with a breakup (even though it wasn’t as long or painful as this one). And thanks for letting me vent and ...

Ah, that’s a fair point. I know I’ve definitely pretended to be happy on social media before, and that everything was great, when it wasn’t. So I guess it’s not unreasonable that this could be happening with them.

Hi Nicole! Yeah, I’ve definitely muted them. Just sucks to know they’ve moved on so quickly and sped up their relationship too Clearly shows they’re serious about this new person (because why else would you post all these things and move into a relationship with someone so soon, right?)

Thanks, Mo. Yeah, it REALLY hurts. I’m planning on going back to EMDR therapy, because like… I can’t unsee just how happy they look together in all their photos and videos, and all the cheesy captions and whatnot, you know? Makes me feel like they were able to move on super easily, and find this per...

Hi Carly, Thanks so much for your kind words! I really appreciate it. <3 And I’m sorry you can relate— breakups suck. You know, in talking about this with one of my friends, I realized this is a pattern of theirs; they tend to rush into relationships and date people without much time between relatio...

Update: Apparently my ex has officially moved on with someone else. I’m so heartbroken, like I found out today that they started dating someone else not long after we broke up. Based on various factors, it seems highly likely that my ex started seeing this person while we were dating. I know it’s no...

Hey Deja! In addition to all of the wonderful insight and questions Heather has mentioned here (that I also am finding helpful to think about), it can also be important to remember that: EVERYONE has things they’re insecure about. Even if someone you meet has sexual/relationship experience, you like...

Hi Heather! Always great to hear from you :D Ooh, I never thought about that, but I do love writing. Sure, I’m down to give it a try, why not? I never really thought about where I got this messaging honestly… this will be an interesting exercise (and it’ll at least be better than feeling crappy abou...

Right?? Too real. Also, random aside: I’ve noticed lately that I can’t masturbate without feeling lonely and/or pathetic, and I hate feeling that way about something that can be relaxing to the point of helping me sleep some nights— it becomes something for me to avoid out of shame/sadness/self-judg...

Aww Heather!! Stop, I’m legit crying, you’re too kind! Yeah, FOMO is exactly the expression for it! And you’re right, breakups during pride season are definitely rough. Also, I hadn’t considered the fact that a potential partner is going to bring their own stuff they may not be proud of to the table...

Hi Sam, So sorry I totally forgot to respond to this! Thanks, I appreciate it. Maybe some resources could help. I think another thing I’m struggling with now is feeling sad when I see my friends in relationships— of course, I’m super happy for them! But it just reminds me of the fact that I don’t ha...

Well, sad update: they decided to break up today once things started to get serious between us. They said they didn’t want to push me away, and they could feel their walls going up, and even though I told them I have fears too and am willing to navigate them together…. I guess they weren’t ready to ...

Hi Elise, thanks for your reply! You’re right in that our communication and care and trust is strong between us; I’ll definitely need to remember that anytime I get nervous about opening up to them, so thanks for that reminder. I also think it helps that we’ve had this foundation of friendship for t...

Hi! Just figured I’d send y’all an update about my situation: my friend and I have decided to try dating each other again now that we’re at better places in our lives! We’re taking things slow (sexually, labeling a relationship, etc.) since they are still busy and have a habit of rushing into relati...