I'll try. Thank you for bringing me to my senses.

I know my upbringing is completely baseless and worthless, yet it still gets to me no matter how utterly wrong I know it is.

My apologies, bur I personally fail to see another method to alleviate the guilt.

Ah. Well, then I guess I'm stuck where I am. I'm just gonna let myself pretend everything that happened was an hallucination to alleviate the guilt. Thanks for informing me through this!

That's interesting. I always thought it was a physical feeling, not mental. I was definitely very guilt ridden afterwards, so that most likely prevented a lot of pleasure.

I wasn't really thinking while it happened, so no, I was just going through the motions and it happened without me expecting it at all.

Apologies for the double-post, but there's another part I forgot to mention. Even pre-climax, it wasn't pleasurable. I was just doing the motions for whatever reason and then there was violent shaking in my body leaving me immobile at climax and that's the full extent of it all.

Thank you very much for your input. I will check out the article.

I expected it to feel calming yet really envigorating, if that makes any sense. And no, it wasn't painful persay, but it definitely wasn't enjoyable in any sense of the word.

So, if you all remember me from a few months ago, I see no need to provide much of a "backstory", so lets get into it. I don't know how or why I did it, but I was able to masturbate to climax, but something was wrong. I don't know what, but something just felt wrong. I don't know why I did...

At my own.

But when I get home, they'll be so mad.

I don't really have any ideas on how to potentially prove my trustworthiness to my parents I haven't already tried. For example, I have babysat before, though they didn't really seem to care. And as for the standing up for myself, if I do, they just push against me harder to counter-act it. I apolog...

No technology of any kind for at least 3 months.

They'lll get so mad, though... I know I won't be harmed, but I know for certain I'll face EXTREME punishment.
I apologize for making escuses.

No, it's not a stupid question. If anything, I've got a stupid answer.
I've never done that before.

Oh, it's no concern, I have no problem with answering any questions. Since I was asking to go with a friend and not alone, I was more up-front with it, as I felt they'd be more compliant if I were with another person.

Ah, I apologize for missing those.
I can't think of any particular "comfortable" ways to talk about it, and I don't have any time frame ever available aside from afternoon.

Hello, Carmen, nice to see you as well. The only time we've "talked" about it (I apologize if I've already shared this story) is when my neighbor and I went there (and we did ask for permission), and our parents called the police, thinking we got kidnapped. So... The topic is certainly ver...

Hello, Sam, nice to see you again.

I thank you for the concern (and that makes sense).

Perhaps being able to go to the nearby park on my own?

I'm really scared.
I got a 75% in English and my mom is extremely upset and disappointed and angry.

I'm afraid I'm at a loss for ideas. I apologize.

The regular stuff, food, sleeping, meditation, etc.

It admittedly feels like nothing has changed, and nothing even gives a glimmer of stress-relief, though.

Just a little check in, I haven't found anything, but I'm doing my best to not give up.

As of yet nothing's worked but I still got a few more to try.