I still find it very depressing and I feel distant.

Yeah I guess you're right there, it's just finding the motivation to cook! haha

I was referring to the suggestion from Jacob of exploring doing stuff to him that give him a reaction which I find fun. I can't think of anything that gives me that, I'm afraid. Eating Nutella from the jar? I can't make a habit of that aha. I do enjoy cuddling my boyfriend a lot. That's the only thi...

My boyfriend doesn't like being touched elsewhere a lot of the time, he is highly sensory and sometimes can't even take me touching his tummy. He can't have massages or anything like that he would just squirm. Sometimes that is funny and we have a laugh about it but I can't really explore doing thin...

Also, regarding the fascination thing with wanking him off, I am not 'turned on' by this. It doesn't turn me on. I just find it fun as in like when you tickle someone and their reaction makes you smile, it's sort of like that

That's ok I like as much insight as possible! Ok so I guess the fascination is a form of pleasure. But what I mean by not feeling pleasure is I don't feel physical pleasure on my body. And that is what I want. Regarding building on the fascination thing, I have no idea how I would do that? I just li...

Oh and if it matters, it's always me initiating wanking him off or giving him head. He never initiates it probably because he respects the fact I have this issue. (Just in case you thought he was still initiating even though he knows I don't enjoy sex)

Yes, sorry I know that sex doesn't just mean intercourse. I actually quite like doing stuff to him because I enjoy creating a reaction.. is that weird? I like that I can make him feel something thats so alien to me because I never feel it. I find it sort of fascinating and fun watching his facial ex...

My boyfriend knows to an extent. It is so deeply engrained in me to pretend that it was very difficult to even tell him anything. Up until my boyfriend before him I just pretended, like I was a pretty good actress in that department. I acted out the whole process, from beginning to end, when actuall...

I also don't think there is much point in using an NHS sex therapist again which is only six sessions, my problem cannot even be slightly sorted in six sessions. I have had this problem forever. Her advice was to have a bath and then rub lotion on myself for twenty minutes. I did that and it was inc...

I can't afford a private therapist. I have referred myself again to a free service but to be honest any mental health service here is pretty bad. I had a telephone appointment which was like an assessment, then the next appointment they cancelled so I had to wait another week, then when I had that p...

I hope I'm not too old for this message board (I'm 24). I used to post here a lot about 6-7 years ago under a different account (I can't remember password for account or for the email address I had back then). Basically I was in my first relationship and I had a problem with enjoying any kind of sex...