Please let us know if we can help you to find that kind of help.

Hi there, suomi. I'm so sorry that you're struggling like this. Feeling tormented by your own thoughts and desires is a terrible spot to be in. I do wish that we could help, but what you're describing sounds very much like something outside of our abilities and also not ideal for the medium we work ...

So, anything that creates any kind of sugar -- and any kind of carbohydrate will -- is something you will want to be careful using as lube because that can upset a bacterial balance. That's much more an issue with vaginal use than with use with the anus or a penis alone, but I'd still not make this ...

Hi there. So, if by this, you are talking about sexual intercourse, my advice for any potential sexual partner, whether it’s your first time at this or your 500th, is to first see if you like other, much lower stakes, ways of being sexual with them. For instance, why don’t you first see how you feel...

Hey there. So, for most people, most of the time, it’s common to have desire for sex (it’s not actually a drive, which is why I don’t use that term) wax and wane a good deal, including over weeks or months. Whether or not that has had for you yet, it’s going to happen with partners. It’s okay to hav...

Pain with intercourse can be common, but that’s only because people tend to make the same mistakes, things like not using lubricant, being too hasty, making intercourse the main event, being too aggressive, and not saying when something hurts. But it shouldn’t actually happen any time, including the...

I just want to add that you have now said twice that something hurt, but it sounds like instead of telling your boyfriend that and asking him to work with you to try adjustments so things feel good instead, you just let things keep hurting. Not only is pain your body’s way of telling you to stop so ...

(A Joni Mitchell-based handle? With an Indigo Girls sigline? Fantastic!) So, sounds like "we need to talk" is, indeed, where you're at. You don't have to say that a long time before you actually talk, so she won't necessarily be sitting there wondering, but it also is okay when that happen...

I've responded to you about that particular query there, but now let's keep this here when you are ready to let us know which ways of accepting help you are open to right now.

Again, Sky, I see the long post in the queue, but you're right, I need you to answer what I have asked instead of spinning out on more tangents and provocations, and I also am going to ask you again to please not leave a bunch of posts in the queue that are outside limits we have set. Just because I...

I'm just going to be frank and say that what you said in that last post was misinformed and misguided. Over the years, I have shared quite a few pieces on the site with you that explain that the reason we feel sexual sensation in any body parts and in the whole of our bodies is actually about our ne...

Hey, Sky. I see the posts sitting in the moderation queue, but none of them offer what I have asked you for and told you we need to move forward in a productive way. In your last one, you start by saying you don’t know where to start. But that’s what I need you to take the time to figure out. I need...

We've talked about this in chat before, so I'll be brief. Compulsory heterosexuality is a term to describe the ideas we all get living in a world that not only only presents sex between cisgender, heterosexual men and women AS sex at all, let alone as the only truly acceptable way to be sexual, it c...

This is an excellent place, I think, for us to revisit what you are looking for from these interactions with us. It's you who have asked, for years now, for help meeting people, so if that is not something you want from us, then by all means, let's stop talking about that. We only are because you ha...

It’s actually just not this simple (nor is it a paradox), because what sexual activities people do or do not enjoy will always be about way more than where they have the most sensory nerve endings. This anatomy also isn’t as simple as you're thinking about it, so what nerve endings are inside the va...

Totally normal. That area of the body is very sensitive and also tends to get really warm, so itching after shaving or when hair starts to grow back is pretty much a given.

I have talked with you in chat before about things like how to dress (the answer is that there is no answer to that, because you dress the way you want to), or what to do (also not a thing with an answer because it depends on what the event is and who you are talking to) but by all means, we will st...

With the apps, here is my advice in a nutshell: • HER tends to be one of the least-used apps, so personally, that would be my last pick for you. I certainly wouldn't make it your one and only. I'd suggest adding Feeld and Hinge (this isn't a product endorsement, this is just me helping you narrow th...

100% to everything that Latha just said there. I also want to address this: I feel like if something is so scary and makes me feel so uncomfortable, it can’t be good for me right? Like dating makes me so scared and like being intimate with girls or anyone really, makes me very uncomfortable to think...

I got — and also forwarded to Sam — the one profile you sent us. We both have thoughts!

Am I right in that you have that one set just to looking for friends? If so, is that what you actually want, rather than a dating relationship?

A few more things! I feel certain I have told you this before, but you are not actually old to be coming out. The average age of coming out was around 26 for Gen X folks and Millennials, and it’s only a few years younger than that for people your age. So, please know and accept that many other queer...

Per steps, would you do something for us? Can you cut and paste one or two of your bios from apps? If you do want them to work for you, then it may be that part of why they aren’t so far is that your bios may need some tweaking.

Just to be clear, what Sam was trying to remind you of is that trans women were born with a penis, and many still will have one (though many also will not call it that). Thus, some women themselves have a penis.

It's okay, and it would also be okay to say what you are probably thinking is TMI here if you want. This is another thing where I think you just need to sit down and have an honest talk about it. I do generally believe that in sex, someone's discomfort trumps someone else's enjoyment, just like some...

(Please stop using language like dumb here on the boards. Used as a slur it is offensive to mute people, but it also doesn't abide by the limit we have around not putting yourself down.) So, there's some inconsistency between what you are saying here and what we have talked about in chat, and it may...