I wonder if there's anything you discussed during those counselling sessions that could be helpful for you to consider now? I certainly don't want to speak for you but I could see there being a connection between these current thoughts and the compulsive fantasies you were having. I hope the gay clu...

I'm glad you were able to have that conversation! I agree with you here: what really matters from this point is whether your boyfriend is able to make serious changes moving forward on his own, not because you have to remind him but because he takes the initiative to make you a priority. I hope he's...

I'm really glad to hear that you decided to cancel on the guy you met on tinder. As you say here, I think that wouldn't have been a good decision for you, and I don't think the experience would have given you any of what you're looking for when it comes to sex. Because it sounds like this is somethi...

It's such an easy habit to fall into, perhaps especially for people who have a habit of being people-pleasing or otherwise trying to avoid conflict or confrontation. In a similar vein, recently I've tried to move away from automatically saying something like "it's okay" or "don't worr...

I'm so glad you're trying to look out for your friend and you're thinking of ways to help him. With family that isn't supportive and an abusive environment, that support is probably very valuable to him. There really isn't anything we can recommend in terms of supplements, though; even over the coun...

It's understandable that masturbation hasn't really felt like much if you weren't feeling aroused already; for many people, it doesn't feel that exciting if arousal isn't already present. I do think it might be worth looking into some further information about asexuality to see if that resonates wit...

I think that's a really great point that you made here, and one I agree with! Identifying as polyamorous doesn't mean you are automatically consenting to any and all forms of a polyamorous relationship. It's true, too, that even in polyamorous relationships consent is important; in fact, I'd say tha...

I'm glad to hear that your partner offered at least a partial apology, but even when someone's under stress, that's definitely not an excuse to treat a partner poorly. It would be pretty messed up if her reason for doing so was to impress someone else, and if other people were impressed by you being...

Hi there, CassidyG! First off, I'm really glad that changing your medication had an impact on how you feel sexual pleasure. It can be SUCH a bummer to have needed medication that comes with unwanted side effects. One thing to keep in mind is that it isn't unusual for people to take a while to figure...

Hi there, electricswitch. I don't think your fantasies as you're describing them here are necessarily a cause for concern. It isn't unusual for people to enjoy sexual fantasies about things they wouldn't like to experience in real life (or that they'd only like to experience in specific circumstance...

Hi there cammcat, and welcome to Scarleteen. From what you've said here, it sounds like you and this guy aren't a good fit for each other right now. You've been very clear with him what you do and don't feel ready for, and it sounds like he's been pushing for more in both large and small ways for a ...

It's certainly possible that the assault is part of what's causing this big change in your libido. Even if it feels like something you've dealt with well and you've gotten good support from friends (which is great!), the aftereffects of a sexual assault can be unexpected. It does sound like the chan...

Sounds like a good plan!

Hi Diorlover, and welcome to Scarleteen. I'm sorry to hear that masturbation has been feeling stressful for you. First off, in case it helps to hear it: it's very common for people to take a while to figure out how to masturbate. There isn't one way that works for everyone, so there's generally goin...

I certainly think you have every right to be mad AND confused about this! He's being unreasonable and unfair and it's really inexcusable for him to be acting like you've done something terrible here.

It wasn't wrong at all, whatever the timeframe! You don't really owe your boyfriend any information about what you do doing masturbation, whether that involves a toy or not. I'm honestly pretty concerned that he's treating your use of a sex toy, and your decision not to tell him about it, as somethi...

You're definitely not in the wrong here! You buying a vibrator or other sex toy is in no way a violation of your boyfriend's trust. As Heather said above, if he has insecure feelings about sex toys, it's his job to work through those. If he insists on framing this as an issue of broken trust, it may...

Hi there mcjupiter, In case this is helpful at all, I wanted to share a little bit of my own personal experience with being a nonbinary trans man while also having an affinity for femininity/femme identity in many ways. For me, none of these feelings ever made me want to detransition, or made me fee...

I think if you aren't comfortable, that's what matters most, here. Some people might be very comfortable doing this for a friend, and that doesn't mean it would necessarily be an unhealthy dynamic, but clearly it wouldn't feel great or healthy for you in this case, and you get to set that boundary w...

I can understand why you would feel uncomfortable with this! If an alarm isn't likely to wake your friend up, it makes sense that you texting her may not make a difference either. I think it would be a kindness to go ahead and text once or twice when you wake up, but you could certainly let her know...

It's nice to revisit this thread several years after the last time I posted it! Right now I'm looking forward to a vacation with a friend next week; we're going to stay in a little cabin for a few days up in redwood country. I'm also looking forward to getting a spinning wheel! I ordered it several ...

A few things have helped me. One is that I find "practicing" setting boundaries or saying no to small things helps me feel more confident when it's a more important situation. The other is breaking my habit of going along with things without really thinking about my feelings too much. A fe...

Thanks for the great update! It sounds like incorporating lube into sex has worked out great for you, even when you had a bit of a scary moment. Using lube definitely makes condoms much less likely to break (in fact, using lube is part of proper/recommended condom use), so it sounds like this is a p...

Hi BuddyBoi, I'm sorry that the end of this relationship has been so stressful for you. Sofi touches on this above, but I wanted to highlight one part of your post in particular. You say "I feel like a lot of the things I wanted in this relationship and how I felt/acted, especially in the begin...

That makes a lot of sense! I can understand that feeling of not wanting to discuss a difficult situation any more than you have to. We're here to listen if it's ever something you do want to talk about, but we only ever want people to post things here that they want to share or discuss with us.