Mainly just looking for some education - like you said how this can trigger other kind of stress-

Hey guys, Heather and all - I have a big high stakes exam in a few days requiring 10-12 hours of focused individual concentration and somehow, I have found myself going through the events associated - it is as if all the feelings I repressed for a while have come back- I can't afford to lose my conc...

I have come to realize that I am terrible at self-care. I am not good at id-ing my needs and wants - I always doubt it and or give myself second best option and tell myself to "deal with it" I also realize or getting better at id-ing people who don't meet my needs or tend to make me feel p...

Thanks Jacob! I appreciate it

Thank you Heather. I agree that taking a version of inhale/exhale is important. The other issue is that I am in a demanding academic program with a big exam coming up with requires 10-hours of straight up study with great attention for next 8 weeks. So my version of reconnecting is of course (gettin...

Yes, I think that's true - and I am planning to sign up for a running event that I know that I will enjoy as a celebration --I wonder if the real issue isn't the "waiting period" for someone/something else but rather just processing the emotions/feeling/whathaveyou. ---I think the reason ...

Yes, I think that's true - and I am planning to sign up for a running event that I know that I will enjoy as a celebration I wonder if the real issue isn't the "waiting period" for someone/something else but rather just processing the emotions/feeling/whathaveyou. I think the reason I feel...

Thanks all. I am wondering if anyone -ie. Heather - has any words here -The old stuff is finally gone ( I am realizing that some people will not stay in our lives and that's for the better, and there is no 'trophy" for keeping said-friends in life and sometimes its' better not to have a bow tie...

Thanks Heather. I feel that while therapy is imp and no shortcut, getting some common-sense advice/guidance/conversation from someone trustable/been there / experienced with self-care can give me some perspective on how to arrange my current life/mood/people/emotional care. --Option 1: I can do that...

I have learned is that not all counselors are the same and often have to go through 5 or so to find a good fit. It's really great but once has to find someone we are comfortable/feel heard/understood before can delve deeper. I don't want a push over therapist either but need to feel connected/unders...

I gave one therapist lots of sessions (6-8) b.c I really trust her. I told her that this isnt working for me, so she can adjust but I wasn't being heard. Unfortunately I tried to wait and hope it gets better. So that was 4 months or so. I had worked with this therapist 8 years ago, but she didn't se...

Thank you Heather so much. I hope you feel better soon with the oral surgery and/or enjoy some downtime. I didn't want to rush this conversation and all that you have written- take time to read it and also find way to do my own self-care. I know I was writing a lot here, but not really thinking abou...

Thank you so much Heather. I too need time to digest what we have discussed over and I appreciate you offering some ideas here. Have a great night and see you in a day or two!

On the other hand--- I'm not tried to him by any way--- somehow entertaining the thought they are out of my life, and wouldn't likely have any interaction with the present-him--only a skeleton of his past selves---is _____interesting? I don't know what to make of it. In some ways, it's great to be a...

Thank you heather for that clear-headed reply and for better articulating how to set standards for myself for my own sake. I will say that if I have a certain standard - if I'm with a frd and she is upset/crying, I will reach out to her to ask her what's going on/show some basic empathy. He choose t...

In that question, I was asking about a trip that I planned to take with this person and Day X into the trip, such event happened. Of course I had the agency to book my own hotel/transport and go elsewhere, knowing that mentally, staying with them b.c i had booked xyz or b.c -due to location differen...

apologies to butt-in - "And if you are going to put emotional energy into looking to forgive yourself for things, perhaps a better and sounder choice here might be to forgive yourself for making yourself suffer about this. <3" - lovely and very well-said. I really like hearing this message...

I think at some level, I believe this experience reflects on me - and it does in some ways as I didn't take better care of my own needs/set better boundaries etc - BUT as you said before very well "I don't say that to invalidate your feeling sad you couldn't have known all at once. I'm saying t...

I think at some level, I believe this experience reflects on me - and it does in some ways as I didn't take better care of my own needs/set better boundaries etc - BUT as you said before very well "I don't say that to invalidate your feeling sad you couldn't have known all at once. I'm saying t...

Thank you Heather for "confirming" that. Yes, I do agree that emotional silence/ignoring is a form of manipulative which leaves me confused and wondering what I did wrong or why we can' discuss it. For a long time, I bought their version of the story / their narrative of me and it made me ...

Thank you Heather. Sure, I would be interested in getting some validation/acknowledgement so please do back-up list some things that seem abusive to you. Of course, I also did not set some boundaries and speak up for myself but I also wonder if it was bc. I could sense that it wouldn't be met with u...

Thank you so much Heather. I feel that there is a thin-line between personal boundaries, keeping myself emotionally safe and away from situation that aren't meeting my needs. I thought I had a good feel for sexual abuse, but I am now learning about emotional abuse too or at-least, keeping away from ...

I am finally begin to realize that my interactions with a guy were emotionally and somewhat sexually abusive from the beginning. It caused me to doubt myself, not go after my goals and take unfair responsiblity for the wrongful dynamic. Sexual abuse: 1) Me saying no but having sex without condom for...

Thanks Sam. I'm wondering how to have the conversation about how to do something physically that will feel good to both of us? Just ask point blank (in context of a chat)-is there anything other than intercourse/oral/manual sex that might be good for you? How do I assess my own desire for a physical...

Great way to explain that and it makes sense now. Now, I know what exactly I need to communicate and ask for.