Hi, I'm looking for some advice about whether or not it's appropriate for me to take EC. I had sex last night, on the 22nd day of my cycle (which normally lasts 28-29 days). We used a condom with no apparent leaks or slippage. I'm worried though because, although my partner came, there was very litt...

Hey all, I'm having kind of a rough day along with some difficult realizations about my own self. I think I'm carrying around a lot of shame for who I am--things about myself that I find impossible to accept. That's part of why moving forward has been so hard to do, at least in part. I'm realizing t...

I ended up adhering to the boundary, and it was one of the roughest experiences I've gone through so far in this process, aside from when he really lashed out at me a few weeks ago. I'm proud of myself on the one hand, because I think it does send the signal that I can respect boundaries set by othe...

I think I just don't want him to feel bad, or as though I hate him or something. I guess it just feels like I'm leaving him high and dry on some level. But I know detachment is supposed to be the goal, ultimately (even though I feel very conflicted about it). I have been trying to express that urge ...

Yes, I would definitely be open to brainstorming. In fact, it was him who suggested the 'no contact unless in an emergency' thing. He apologized for lashing out and came out with that suggestion. I am just sort of going along with that as agreed. Heather suggested blocking all contact after he lashe...

Yea, that makes sense. I hope that I will find something on the same level one day, whether through other friendships or other romantic relationships. I'm having a rough day today. It is my ex's birthday and I want to say something because it seems mean not to. I have held back so far, because last ...

I'm able to say that to an extent, but getting myself to believe it is harder. It's just hard for me to accept that people can actually be fundamentally incompatible... it's more like they make themselves incompatible? In some ways, losing the culpability makes me feel worse because it means there's...

If I wanted to forgive a friend for snooping, I would probably want them to realize how their actions made me feel, and to have an honest discussion about why they felt the need to do that. But though I could probably forgive someone for snooping, I don't think the friendship would be the same. I fe...

I'm tempted to write a letter of apology that would fully address his feelings, but perhaps now is not the time

I think closure, for me, would feel like forgiveness. Or like I'm not hated, and the person understands some of what drove me to act the way I did. I am having a lot of trouble forgiving myself, and rightfully so. I snooped, and that was, for him, the ultimate transgression. He is a really guarded p...

Hey everyone, I hope you're all doing okay. I feel kind of weird reviving this thread after such a long time, but I wanted to bounce a few ideas off of you all. I've been trudging through this breakup as best I can--with a lot of ups and downs and in-betweens. Things were on the upswing until a coup...

Thanks. I'll search by zipcode and see what I find. Just wasn't sure if there was a good national org with local offshoots that I should focus on. I think screaming into a pillow is a good idea... I did it once before and it helped somewhat even though I felt super self conscious. I'm still in this ...

There are so many ups and downs to this experience. I was doing okay the other day, thinking about how I was making small steps forward, and trying to stay as social as I could manage. But today has been another story. I woke up exhausted and then ground through my entire workday pissed off. I exerc...

I know, I wasn't taking it as a do-it-all-right-now suggestion. I just wanted to express the blindsidedness somehow, because I've never had the experience of a relationship ending in a total sense AFTER the break/up. Or like not knowing those were the terms. So while it was actually 6 weeks ago that...

That makes sense. I feel kind of stupid for being so attached, I guess. I'm trying to let go of the threads slowly (especially since there's no real reason to reach out anymore given his inaccessibility). The hard thing is just that I wasn't expecting this to be like a death. I feel like he duped me...

I guess I'm feeling unable to let go still :( That's in part because my partner always painted this separation/growth period as part of some necessary evolution in our relationship. He knew he couldn't handle this all right now, and said we both needed to grow. But he was "optimistic" that...

Hey Heather and Jacob, thanks. I don't know that I'm necessarily doing a better job with boundaries :( All I did was say he needed to move out and then that I needed space, which he honored. If anything, right now, it feels almost like I'm impinging on his boundaries. After the 3 weeks was up, I fol...

We ended up having a confusing, circular conversation that ended after he'd offered to drop off a usb with the photos, then backtracked and said he would but them onto a Google drive but that "he would need time" if it wasn't urgent. I guess I hereby give up on all of it. No contact or low...

Thanks, I'm trying to just stick with the practical. It just creates so much anxiety to have someone blow you off, or be unclear, especially after they've checked all their own closure boxes. He wanted his stuff back and I gave it to him. Now I don't get my stuff back, so to speak. I sent him a real...

I'm getting ready to move out of the apartment we shared in early September, luckily. Right now "home" still feels like a horrible time capsule. I've moved a few pieces of furniture around, but to really re-do things seems weird in light of the move. Right now I'm trying to quiet the voice...

Hey Sam and Heather, thanks for putting together these kind posts. I've heard, a few times now, from different sources, that friendships can be of different depths, and that that's okay. Heather Havrilesky said something about "a 28 year-old's standards for friendship" are basically imposs...

Hey Sam, thanks. I've been mostly hanging out with my downstairs neighbor and going to meals and swimming with her. Last night I reached out to a coworker and his wife to see if we could watch a movie at their house. I kind of explained that I was feeling rotten and could use some company. I also te...

Hey Sam, me and the therapist haven't really discussed a safety plan. The advice is to go to the ER if things get too intense or concrete plans start forming. I just feel so bad--and I want the feeling to stop, you know? The feeling of peace seems far away, and inaccessible, a lot of the time. Even ...

I guess I would just tell her that it takes time, and not to try and figure everything out right away. That emotions don't always follow the same path as logic. That it was a difficult situation and she did her best, but that she can't do anything more right now. That relationships are a two-way str...

He did usually text me with where he was, at least when he was partying with coworkers. But sometimes he would say he was coming back soon and be gone for many more hours. And sometimes I would have cooked dinner and be calling asking him why he wasn't back as planned. It just really sucked, but I t...