I was going to talk to my therapist last Thursday, but she was sick and had to cancel. I see her this Thursday. I think the reason I define my worth that way, is because I never had any self worth until I was with someone. And I don't know, it just kind of stuck. Lately I've been trying to get back ...

Its just made it really hard. The only self worth I have is when I'm caring for and loving someone. I put my all into my relationships because its the only thing I feel like gives me value. It hurt when she left, but at least I could think that at least I treated her the best I could. But after what...

She responded. It wasnt worth it. All I did was try to offer an olive branch, and she demeaned me and put me down. This is the worst I've felt in a long time. I didn't even feel this bad after we broke up. It's like what I did meant nothing, and I did so much. I'm talking to my counselor about it to...

Update... I broke down. I texted her. I couldn't not do it. It hasn't been long, and I havent heard from her yet, but I feel like theres a lot of anxiety gone. I'm anxious to see what she says.. but it's not as bad as it was before. Thank you all for the support. I'm sorry if I've disappointed any o...

In response to Sam.. I big part of it is the anxiety she gives me. Theres been so much going on lately, the virus, economic instability, a recent earthquake; I've just been so worried about her. She has a really hard time taking care of herself, and every day I'm afraid if what kind of situation she...

Update... My counselor is no longer advising me to reach out to Hailey. We both fear she has gotten I to a cycle of substance abuse. Back when we were together she replaced coping using her eating disorder and would abuse her anti anxiety medications. Recently she reached out to a friend of mine ask...

@Alexa I will try to talk with my counselor about it more. I dont even know what kind of boundries I'm supposed to have. I always think of it in a sense of what I would need if we were to get back together; but I dont know if that's where I need to be. I guess the first thing would be, we'd have to ...

@Heather

I have my next session coming up on Thursday. I'm going to talk to my counselor about it more. I think I might do it. Like, I feel like I have to talk to her again.

@Heather Yes, I'm keeping myself safe. My state wasn't hit too hard, but that could change at any moment. I hope you all are keeping safe as well. One of my counselor's goals from the get go was to get le to a point where, if Hailey were to come back I to my life, I would be able to effectively set ...

@al The first time I went into counseling, I expressed that I'd do anything to hear from Hailey again. Then we started talking about the situation, and she told me I'd probably hear from her again. We've moved forward under the assumption that I would talk to her if she were to reach out. So since t...

Update.. I have been in counseling for a few weeks now. I'm also seeing a psychiatrist who is reevaluating my medications. Counseling has been hard. The counselor makes comments quite often about how she thinks I will hear from hailey again. It gives me a lot of mixed feelings. I still feel vulnerab...

Hello, It's been a while since I've been on here. I'm currently undergoing therapy. A appreciate all of you. For both your time and your advice. I'm trying to get out more, and distract myself with the things I used to love doing. It's still really hard right now. I know I'm just remembering the rel...

Next week hopefully. I've had to put it off because I didnt have the money. But next week I should be starting. If you have any advice on not thinking that way anymore, I'd love to hear it. My biggest fear is not finding someone who let's me be myself and loves me for who I am. That was one of the p...

I just hope therapy will be able to help. I cant get her out of my head. I've never remembered my dreams, and now I dream about her every night. I miss her so much. We were inseparable when we were together, and I'm afraid I wont find that again. And even if I do, I still just want it to be with her...

You both are right. Sometimes I just feel desperate to have the life I used to have. Sure it didn't leave me in the best situation, but it was comfortable, and I thought I was happy at the time. Which sometimes feels like it would be better than knowing I'm not happy now. I wouldn't expect you to su...

I guess I just cant imagine not giving her a second chance. I'd feel like I was blaming her, but I dont. She has a a messed up past, she's been abused by several people, and she has a lot of mental things she's trying to work through. I've always told myself things would get better if she got the he...

Hello. I've posted another thread that I'm still keeping up to date on, but I didnt know whether to post this there, or start a new thread. Basically, I'm fairly fresh out of an abusive relationship. I'm doing what I can to recover from it. It's been hard but I think I'm making progress. But the thi...

I'll definitely try looking into some of those groups. Making friends has always been hard, and I'm pretty silent around people I don't know. But it's still worth a shot. It would help me get out of the house which I need right now. I might check out that lecture on Saturn, it does seem really inter...

I like to play both video games and cards games. Video games weren't something I could play a lot when I was with hailey so I've been trying to get back into them again. Certain ones I just cant play right now but there I some I still can. I also like table top and card games, magic being the bigges...

@Siân I think the next step is just trying to reclaim my old life. Trying to do the things I enjoy just for my sake. I brought her into all of my interests and hobbies so doing some things, like playing certain games or reading certain books, bring back a flood of memories and feelings, and I need t...

Thank you everyone for your responses. You've given me a lot to think about. I have her blocked on all forms of communication. I really hope it helps in the healing process. You are all wonderfult people and I really appreciate you.

@Mo Thank you for your reply and your time. I have her number blocked on my phone. I've also blocked her email as well. All of her pictures and the little things I kept from our relationship are also gone. In the past she's used my friends to try to get in contact and I've expressed to them that I'm...

@horriblegoose Thank you for taking the time to write all that out, I really do appreciate the advice. I will look I to those books and see if there's a few I can connect with. Thank you for the responses. My mother works for our phone company so I can have her place a hard block on her number. If I...

Hello, I was referred here from the text line. I'm 2 months out of an emotionally abusive relationship. I'm having a really hard time recovering from it. I was neglected, used, taken for granted, and if I ever brought up feeling of neglect, I was made to feel guilt and she would threaten to leave. I...