Mom doesn't believe I'm trans. How can I explore my gender?

[Animefan]

Hey I'm new to this forum. I think I might be a trans man. I came out to my mom and my older sister. My mom doesn't support me at all and she thinks it's a phase. My older sister is supportive.

I've been struggling a lot with depression. I don't have any money and I don't drive and moving out is not an option.

What are some small things I can do to explore my gender?

[Latha]

Hi Animefan,

We can absolutely discuss ways to explore your gender, but before that, I have a question: There are two other accounts that post from the same IP address as this account, under the names shypixie and booknerd. Our guidelines only allow one account per person — this allows us to keep track of the conversations we've had and provide better support. Would you tell us which account you would prefer to keep so we can shut down the others?

[Animefan]

Hi Animefan,

We can absolutely discuss ways to explore your gender, but before that, I have a question: There are two other accounts that post from the same IP address as this account, under the names shypixie and booknerd. Our guidelines only allow one account per person — this allows us to keep track of the conversations we've had and provide better support. Would you tell us which account you would prefer to keep so we can shut down the others?

Okay I prefer to keep this account. I'm sorry.

[Latha]

No worries

I’m sorry to hear that your mother has been unsupportive! To call your transition a phase is deeply unkind. If I may ask, how do you think she will respond if she notices you making any changes? Are there things you might have to avoid in her presence?

If you’re looking for small things you can do to explore your gender, you could start by asking people who are supportive, like your sister, to call you by a name and pronouns that you would prefer. You could also ask them to treat you in ways that feel gender-affirming.

Along these lines, it can be really helpful to explore gender with a supportive community. See if you can find ways to spend more time around other trans people, or queer people in general. There may be in person or virtual support groups where you live, and you can also look for online communities.

You could try looking through the clothes you already have to see if you can style them in ways that feel more masculine. When you have the opportunity, you might look to buying products from the men’s section, or ones that have neutral packaging. And if you’re interested in packers, you may be able to make one at home — there are guides on YouTube for this. There are also channels that teach voice masculinization exercises.

How does this sound so far?

[Animefan]

Hey. If she notices me making I'm afraid she might be angry but I'm not sure how she's going to react honestly. And thanks for your advice! I'll ask my sister to use my pronouns and name.
How can I search for in person, virtual groups, online communities?

[CaitlinEve]

For in-person groups, I would recommend looking up queer/LGBT+ support in your area; although, if you're concerned about your mother knowing, make sure that it's a safe and confidential space for you to be in. As for virtual support, there are a lot of options but you may want to check out Trans Lifeline for peer-to-peer online support!

Searching for online communities really depends on your needs and wants in a safe space! For example, Reddit has quite a few communities for trans people, with some specific to transmasculine individuals (like r/ftm), if that's something you'd be interested in checking out!

[Animefan]

Okay thanks! I'll check out those out.

[HannahP]

I'm glad that Caitlin and Latha's suggestions were helpful, Animefan! Please don't hesitate to come back if you have more questions or want some support as you explore.