I can’t get pleasure from masterbating!

[Elksama909]

I’m 17 years old and I’m transmasc, I’ve used vibrators and my fingers, but using my fingers gave me no pleasure and just kinda hurt, I don’t even really feel it, it’s frustrating! I feel like somethings wrong with me cause everyone acts like it feels amazing. I’ve tried to insert a dildo I have but no luck, hurt too much. I thought I might have been something to do with dysphoria but I have no idea

[Elise]

Hi there Elksama909, and welcome to Scarleteen! It sounds like you're having a frustrating time with finding pleasure via masturbation at the moment; this is actually something that many people experience when first exploring masturbation and sex, and/or at other points at their lives too. Whilst this doesn't change the here-and-now of your situation it can sometimes help to know that you are very much not alone in terms of experiencing frustration with this: masturbation can feel great, however many people find it takes some time to find what works for them, and also at times it might not bring them pleasure.

One of the main reasons people experience this is due to not being aroused whilst masturbating, arousal is the part of something that's called the 'sexual response cycle', and is one of the important mental parts of sexual response: our brains are actually the important part of how we respond to any sexual stimuli, and how we experience pleasure. You can read about it here: With Pleasure: A View of Whole Sexual Anatomy for Every Body and here: Sexual Response & Orgasm: A Users Guide.

Our brains are really good at prioritising things, and if we are stressed, which can include beings stressed by the pressure that we're putting on ourselves to feel pleasure, or external factors, like gender dysphoria as you mention, then it will focus on the stress until it isn't there (or as significantly present), because the brain sees stress as a 'threat' and has evolved prioritise getting us out of danger before anything else.

Whilst it might be a bit hard right now, I would encourage you to take the pressure off yourself if you can. This might look like taking some time off trying to masturbate in this way (or at all), for a few days or however long you need, and doing things you enjoy and find recharge and relax you.

You mention that you think that gender dysphoria might be playing a part here; if you feel comfortable answering, is this something that is feeling very present for you at the moment? We would be happy to explore and discuss this here with you if you would like.

[Iloveme.67]

I need help with masturbating it's so frustrating and I cry when nothing feels good to me I can't watch anything, I don't have a partner, no toys, a pillow doesn't feel like anything, fantasies don't seem pleasurable, clitoris stimulation feels good for a second and then I start shaking and I get tired, a shower head I can't use for long cause my mother's water bill and it's so annoying

[Nicole]

Hi Iloveme.67,

I completely understand your frustration and we would like to help you out. Do you think you could create your own Topic under the Ask Us! or Sex & Sexuality section so we can discuss this separately from this thread? If you need help doing this, just let us know!

[Iloveme.67]

Yes I'm sorry