I can't feel pleasure when masturbating

[solartopia]

Im a 19 years old woman and recently ive been experimenting with masturbation more. Growing up, the only way that ive masturbated was squeezing my legs together tightly in order to be discrete, which gave me very tiny and very weak orgasms. Now more recently, I've been trying to use my fingers, directly and indirectly, but whenever i do, it feels weird? I don't really know how to describe it but it doesn't feel good. Everything is just super sensitive and feels unpleasurable and weird to touch, I tried sticking a finger in a few times, and the one time it actually went it, it felt uncomfortable/discomfort and I couldn't really handle the sensation so I stopped. I've tried using a vibrator and the sensations become too much way too quickly. I've received oral before, which I couldn't handle the sensations due to how sensitive it is, and attempted PIV sex but it wouldn't fit and it was painful. I also have trouble getting wet. It's just very frustrated because I get horny but whenever I try to masturbate, it just doesn't work so i just stop, and it's like how am I supposed to know what I do or don't like sexually or what arouses me when I can't even figure this out. I want to be able to enjoy masturbation, and eventually be able to enjoy sex. It's starting to feel like my body is broken.

[Latha]

Hi there, Solartopia- welcome to the boards!

I can see how this would be so frustrating- but don't worry, your body isn't broken. Plenty of people have problems with pleasure and masturbation that usually resolve themselves with some time, patience, and experimentation.

To begin, let me try to address some things that you've said here:

• About feeling too sensitive: you may know this, but masturbation doesn't have to only focus on the genitals. If the sensations become too much, perhaps you could try taking a break and touching your body in other places.

• You mentioned that you have trouble getting wet- I wonder, how would you feel about using lube?

• If you start feeling any pain during sex, don't push yourself. You can always try again another time.

If I may ask, what is usually happening in your mind when you masturbate? Are you focused on the sensations or a fantasy? Do you feel stressed, uncomfortable, or distracted?

[solartopia]

Thanks for the reply, Yes i have used lube before and it has pretty much been the same experience as when i didnt use it. As for my mindset, i try and focus on the sensations, since i dont really know any fantasies that i enjoy, but it becomes so overwhelming easily, then i get stressed and frustrated. I dont even know where to begin with finding what my body does or doesn't like, let alone start experimenting.

[Latha]

Hi again!

Ah, I see... Could we step back from discussing masturbation for a moment? In general, how do you connect with your body? Are there things you do to feel pleasure that are not related to masturbating?

(Could you read this article and tell us what you think? It may provide a starting point for figuring this out.)

[solartopia]

Hi again,

I'd say there aren't that many things i actually enjoy that make me happy or give me pleasure, or rather there isnt really anything..as for my body and how i connect with it, i struggle with low self esteem issues and am constantly hateful towards myself.

I read the article and i can say that i dont find any pleasures in my life and could use some self care/love i guess.

[Latha]

Hey Solartopia,

I'm sorry you're struggling with that, I know how awful it can be to feel that way. I think incorporating more self-care/love practices into your life is a good idea. It may not feel like much immediately, but over time, I believe it will help.

This general lack of pleasure that you've described could be what is getting in the way of feeling good while masturbating. The article that I linked in my last reply mentions 'anhedonia'- that could be what you're experiencing, and it is something that a mental health professional may be able to help with. If you want to see a therapist, we could try to help you with the process of finding one.