Masturbating as a trans man

[Transman]

I have no idea if it should be here or in the gender bit but I hope I can switch it if its in the wrong place. So, I am 23 and today is the first time I made a effort to masturbate (because I still live with my parents and I heard that sometimes masturbation can be really loud and I would be mortified if they heard me doing that so I waited until they were gone for a whole day). It was a really frustrating experience because absolutely nothing happened. And also because I had to touch a really unambiguously femme area and all that with absolutely no pleasurable result. I would like to experience a orgasm at least once but...the dysphoria and frustration is really getting to me. How can I get off without getting dysphoric?

[Sam W]

Hi Transman,

This is a totally okay section to put this question in!

Managing dysphoria around masturbation can for sure be tricky, especially if your genitals are big source of dysphoria for you, period. But there are a few different things you could experiment with to see if they help remove, or at least lessen, that feeling during masturbation.

One would be to look into sex toys designed specifically for trans men, since those are made with your anatomy in mind and go out of their way to be gender affirming in their marketing. You could also look into sex toys that focus on external stimulation if you find that's less dysphoria inducing to you.

Would you say that it's seeing your genitals that sets off dysphoria, touching them, or both?

Too, since it sounds like you're new to masturbation and have some concerns about privacy, this article might be really helpful: https://www.scarleteen.com/article/sexu ... rbating_at. Among the things it mentions is that, while people CAN be loud while masturbating, whether or not that happens is up to us. If we need to keep quiet, we can.

[Transman]

What does it mean if a sex toy focuses on external stimulation? I thought it was just seeing them that triggered my dysphoria, but then I touched without looking and yeah, found a new source of dysphoria. I think its just about everything that reminds me that I don't have the right bits there

[Sam W]

Blech, it can so suck to get a surprise dysphoria discovery!

When we're talking about toys that are for external stimulation, those are toys that are designed to be used mainly or only on the outside of our genitals rather than being inserted into our bodies. Some trans guys report preferring those because they find the idea of having anything inserted sets of dysphoria for them. Too, external toys are much easier to use over clothes, which can help if seeing your genitals is also dysphoria-inducing.

I also have to say that toys for external use are often less likely to be marketed as being for a specific gender, and they're often easier to use in a variety of positions, which can be helpful if you're still experimenting and learning what you like when it comes to masturbation.

[Transman]

Oh that's really helpful thanks! (didn't get notifs of replies so thought nobody had responded)