confused about masturbation and it doesnt feel good

[sprinkledsugar]

i am a 13 year old almost 14 girl, ive been trying to masturbate for years now because all over the internet i heard it was normal to masturbate starting at around 10, all my friends say they masturbate especially my girlfriend since shes hypersexual, but everytime i try to i dont feel anything and it just feels uncomfortable? maybe its something to do with me? ive watched videos and tried everything but it just doesnt feel good. sure i get turned on or horny by things but whenever i try to masturbate it just goes away when i try because it doesnt feel good it, it feels more like uncomfortable? idk how to explain it. ive been freaking out for years over this because i think maybe theres something wrong with me i just wish i could masturbate normally. can someone help please

[Latha]

Hello Sprinkledsugar, welcome to Scarleteen!

I promise, there is nothing wrong with you. Yes, many people start exploring masturbation around the age of ten, but that doesn't mean it is abnormal or wrong if you don't masturbate or if masturbation doesn't feel good. Take a look around the boards, you'll see that plenty of people begin to explore masturbation when they are older than you are now. Difficulties with feeling pleasure are also very common, especially at the start - learning to connect with your body this way can take some time.

It sounds like you're already doing some things we would suggest to build that connection: trying different techniques, learning about what makes you feel aroused, and exploring sexual media. That is great! Just remember that masturbation is a completely optional activity, so you don't have to do it if it feels uncomfortable right now. Taking a break is an option. This doesn't mean you are behind your peers in any way, nor does it mean you won't be able to explore sex in the future. Just, when our bodies do not work the way we expect them to, it is usually best to accommodate them as they are instead of trying to make them different.

I don't know the context with your girlfriend, but I want to touch on the idea of being hypersexual for a moment: Many of us grow up in cultures that are simultaneously sex-negative but also very focused on sex. This can lead to people worrying that they masturbate too much, or that their interest in sex is excessive when it isn't. I don't think anyone's interest in sex can be excessive unless it is getting in the way of other things that they want or need in their life. Even then, the real problem usually isn't the interest itself.

[Veer]

Hey scarleteen
I'm 14, female, and I tried masturbating for the first time and i don't know how to. I watched tutorials but I still don't know what to do and when I tried it I didn't feel anything really. Do you know how I should masturbate and how to feel it as well?
Veer

[KierC]

Hi Veer, and welcome to Scarleteen!

Just a quick check: Your profile gives a different age, can you confirm for us which is the correct one?

Here’s a few articles we have on our site that may help introduce you to masturbation. You can also make your own post after reading through those articles with any more questions you have, and we’d be happy to help you out individually!

An introduction on masturbation: Going Solo: The Basics of Masturbation
How some folks masturbate: How Do You Masturbate?
Intro to pleasure and sexual response: With Pleasure: A View of Whole Sexual Anatomy for Every Body

[thelabrat90]

Like the others said, there's nothing wrong with you for struggling to masturbate. But it really sounds like that for you, the ability to masturbate is tied up with so many anxiety-inducing ideas of normalcy and keeping up. Sexual pleasure is difficult! But in your post, you don't talk much about your sexual pleasure, you talk mostly about your friends, girlfriend, and the Internet.
Sexual Response & Orgasm: A Users Guide
Sexual desire is like being hungry in order to eat. But if you're not hungry, but everyone else keeps saying "Well you should be hungry. People usually get hungry for this specific food at this age. I get hungry all the time" you'll get confused and ignore your body's natural cues. You'll eat anyways, and it'll feel uncomfortable because you weren't hungry! And even when you do get hungry, you put a lot of pressure on yourself because finally! I'm hungry. And then you eat, and you're not enjoying the food. Because it's not about eating a yummy meal anymore, it's about seeming normal. The hunger goes away when you remember that.

Obviously, there's a lot of reasons masturbation can't seem to work, or it's uncomfortable, but if all these outside influences are in the room with you when you're trying to pleasure yourself, that's an obvious, important layer to tackle first. Everyone else's advice is really good, and I especially recommend taking a break. Put masturbation out of your mind for a while, only return to it when you feel genuinely pent up, when the only things during a session is you, your body, and your desire. Or if you return to it, watch stuff to turn you on but don't worry about trying to make yourself come or feel good. Play with yourself and just enjoy your body, like mindless snacking. Lower the stakes.

I will say, this is no guarantee masturbation will become amazing and incredible. Like Latha said, it's a journey and if you're young, it takes time to figure out what feels good. You might genuinely want to feel sexual pleasure because gosh! you're hungry, give me food! and then it's a new journey of trying out new techniques, paying attention to what makes you aroused, exploring sexual media. You'll deal with new frustrations. But before any of that, it's just sooo important to masturbate because YOU want to, and not because you're stressed you're a weirdo and abnormal because you can't experience desire. You're not weird. And you might decide you don't give a shit about masturbation, and you return to your regular life. But pay attention to your actual desires, and separate what you want from what you think others want from you.