I feel shame about buying a vibrator

[emmeline]

I am about to be 16, and I need some sort of sex toy and I'm very much a clit girl, fingering scares the hell out of me so penetration stuff is a big no no.

I found a vibrator I want, durex, and it's a safe brand as far I can see, but I just feel wrong and gross for wanting to buy it.

Is it weird to buy one at this age?

[CaitlinEve]

Hi emmeline, welcome to Scarleteen!

It is absolutely not weird to buy a vibrator at 16! Sexual health is important and is, in itself, a facet of your physical health. That being said, feeling guilt and shame over masturbation and sex toys is not uncommon. Do you feel 'wrong and gross' manually masturbating (with your hands) or is it just centered on the concept of getting yourself a sex toy/aid?

[emmeline]

hi thanks for replying!

Yeah no I'm fine with masturbating manually it's just it feels wierd and bad when I think about getting a vibrator because it's like a very adult thing to do but It's no different from manually masturbating I guess.

Part of me wants one but the other is feeling like a pervert lol idk if that makes sense

[CaitlinEve]

You are definitely not a pervert for wanting a vibrator, nor would you be one if you were to buy one! Sex toys are incredibly commonly used, even in medical contexts. Maybe instead of thinking of them as an adult purchase/grown-up thing, you could try thinking of it as an extension of your hand. Or, if you like gaming, almost like a DLC? Nothing says that if you buy it you HAVE to use it every time or even at all if you decide it's not for you, though.

[emmeline]

yeah I can think about it like that I guess it's just the fact that it's almost unheard of, to me, at least of girls my age buying vibrators and I just feel so odd and it's gonna haunt me later in life or maybe my sex drive won't be as prelevant as it is nowadays because I used a vibrator when I was a teen

[CaitlinEve]

As you and your body grow, your sex drive will change on its own regardless of whether or not you utilize sex toys. It's just a natural part of the process of puberty and of 'growing up'. I will also say that vibrators cannot desensitize your genitalia and nerves, if that's something you're concerned about haunting you in the future. Plenty of teenagers have sex toys as well; the girls your age may not talk about it because, like you, they feel like it's unheard of and 'odd'. It's a cycle of stigma, truthfully!

[Heather]

I want to poke my nose in here and say that engaging in masturbation now in your life, with or without a toy, is something we know only SUPPORTS you having an excellent sexual life over the years. It by no means undermines it. A person's desire for sex also isn't genital, it's something that happens in our minds, and we use vibrators on our genitals. If we want to help ourselves to keep having sexual desire throughout our lives, one of the best ways to do that is to do the kind of thing you are doing here: to follow and explore your sexual curiosity, and to experiment with things that may bring you pleasure.

Please also know that historically, people of all ages have long used objects as part of their sexual lives and expressions, whether it's a vibrator in 2024, or a siltstone dildo from 30,000 years ago (and yep, one was found dated back to that time). There's nothing weird about this, I promise.