Sperm Anxiety. Help?

[Caleb]

I masturbated and ejaculated on some tissues when i was in the bathroom to be clean. However, I get scared that sperm can survive and impregnate someone so i douse everything in hydrogen peroxide, Clorox wipes, and isopropyl alcohol. I wipe all the shampoo bottles i touch and the toilet handle. However I think i fucked up. The toilet seat. My family member went into the bathroom to use it and as i rushed back i saw little drops of..some kind of liquid. I think it could be water from me leaving the shower as my hair is wet, but idk if it was. My sperm wasn't EVER close to it but im scared that might be sperm. I went to go pee but i lifted the seat up. Maybe some got on my hands as i lifted the seat? But i also washed my hands 3-4 times with various shampoos and chemicals before hand. I'm really scared that someone in my house could get pregnant. I'm so gross i hate myself so much. What do i do. Can pregnancy happen?

[Heather]

This just isn’t how any of this works, I promise.

Can you have a read of these two pieces, Caleb, then let us know if knowing the facts about this have any impact for you?

https://www.scarleteen.com/read/pregnan ... rers-guide

https://www.scarleteen.com/about/announ ... perm-cells

[Caleb]

It says sperm can’t get anyone pregnant on surfaces, yet what if a family member sat on the toilet seat and got pregnant that way?

But i’m also thinking its not even sperm because the liquid was clear like water, and i ejaculated FARRR away from the toilet. But what if yknow? I feel so helpless. I tried counseling but nothings really working…

[KierC]

Hi Caleb,

Pregnancy cannot occur from sitting on a toilet seat. I also think it’s very likely that what you saw could’ve been water splashed from the sink, or urine from someone else using the toilet.

When you say you tried counseling, do you mean you saw a therapist for pregnancy anxiety or general anxiety?

[Caleb]

Yes. But no matter hwo much work i put into fixing myself..my mind keeps thinking such scary and intrusive things I can’t fight it anymore. I feel powerless and i’m close to giving up

[KierC]

I’m so sorry to hear this, Caleb. I hear you that you’re distressed by the intrusive thoughts, and I hear you that it’s scary. I want you to know that you’re not alone — we talk to folks quite frequently about pregnancy anxiety, and I know it can feel really isolating and scary sometimes, but remember that you’re not alone here.

In your counseling sessions, did your therapist recommend any techniques or strategies to manage or address this anxiety and the intrusive thoughts? Too, have you spoken with your therapist about your feelings about not being able to fight it anymore? It might be helpful for your therapist to know that the current strategies you’re working with may not be providing as much relief to you. Know what I mean?

[Caleb]

To be kind to myself. I learned these thoughts come from my fear of hurting others or ruining people’s lives because of my sheer insignificance. Also breathing techniques, 54321 technique, as well as learning to put aside thoughts that aren’t worthy of thinking.

However, it’s never fully 100%. And it’s really hard. I want it to be gone forever but i think it will never leave.

I have told him how hopeless it is, but he says there might be something else causing my thoughts but i literally dont know what else could it be.

[Heather]

Can I ask if you feel like the therapist you have been seeing for this is a good fit for you? It sounds to me like maybe this person either isn't someone who specializes in OCD (because I'd not expect them to say that last thing you did or only offer you things like breathing techniques), or who does, but who hasn't been helpful for you in particular.

[Caleb]

I’ve been considering switching so maybe i’ll get to that. But do you have any advice i can have rn about the thoughts i’ve been having and how to stop them? Sorry if thats a stupid question ik youre not a therapist (or maybe you are) , but anything helps :,))

[Heather]

Honestly, the very best advice I have for you is to get a therapist as soon as you can who you actually feel is able to help you with your anxiety, and then to do whatever work they have you do for it.

OCD just isn't something that is easy to manage, or that someone who isn't a qualified healthcare provider specializing in it is going to be able to do a good job helping you with, much like if you asked me if I could help you with a broken leg, as someone who isn't a surgeon, other than getting you TO a surgeon, I probably couldn't.

Are you able to make that a priority?

While you do that, do you have the ability to buy books or access a library? Because you may find that books from therapists who treat OCD or generalized anxiety that provide some self-help can at least get you started on things a therapist who is right for you might start you on anyway.

If so, I'd suggest looking for books like:
• My Anxious Mind by Dr. Michael Tompkins
• Overcoming Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts: A CBT-Based Guide to Getting Over Frightening, Obsessive, or Disturbing Thoughts by Sally M. Winston and Martin N. Seif
• The OCD Workbook: Your Guide to Breaking Free from Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder
• Unfuck Your Brain: Getting Over Anxiety, Depression, Anger, Freak-Outs, and Triggers with Science, This Is Your Brain On Anxiety: What Happens and What Helps and/or Unfuck Your Anxiety Workbook: Using Science to Rewire Your Anxious Brain by Faith Harper, PhD

I'm really sorry you're struggling so much with this. I hope you can get a new therapist -- be sure to search from someone who actually specializes in intrusive thought -- so that you can start to find some relief sooner rather than later.