why don't I get crushes anymore?

Questions and discussions about relationships: girlfriends, boyfriends, lovers, partners, friends, family or other intimate relationships in your lives.
Posts: 2
Joined: Fri Mar 31, 2023 9:02 pm
Age: 19
Primary language: english
Pronouns: they/she
Sexual identity: lesbian- maybe bi
Location: california

why don't I get crushes anymore?

Unread post by soembarrassed »

I feel like I remember first starting puberty and feeling so infatuated with the people I liked. Now I'm 17 and I haven't had a crush in years.

I definitely used to be infatuated with my friend maybe like a year ago, and that's the closest I've gotten to that crush feeling. It kind of felt more like FOMO and wanting her approval, but I could categorize it in the "crushes" box. I'm increasingly convinced I'm ace or something but also I just don't understand how all romantic feelings disappeared.

Sometimes I pick people who I think are attractive and decide to have crushes on them, which can feel real, but, in actuality, I think it's just kind of increased attention towards them being fun. It feels like I'm a little closet-case on the playground again, pretending to like boys to fit in, but this time I'm supposed to act on it.

I had a girlfriend like 6 months ago, and I never felt that butterflies feeling. We got together at first when I was really drunk, and before that I'd never thought of her that way. I believe I was just drunk and horny, for lack of better words. I think I also wasn't very attracted to her in the relationship, more the idea of a relationship, and that's not really a problem if it's just one person, but I just wonder if I'll ever feel any intense emotions towards someone. This might be a silly thing to worry about, but it's in the back of my mind a lot.

I'm on SSRIs, but this decrease in feelings was happening before I got on them. I'm wondering if this is just a shift in how the emotions present themselves and I wonder if anyone else has had a similar experience.
Sam W
scarleteen staff/volunteer
Posts: 9937
Joined: Mon Jul 28, 2014 9:06 am
Age: 33
Awesomeness Quotient: I raise carnivorous plants
Primary language: english
Pronouns: she/her
Sexual identity: queer
Location: Desert

Re: why don't I get crushes anymore?

Unread post by Sam W »

Hi soembarrassed,

I've definitely spoken with people who describe similar experiences, so you're not in alone in noticing this shift in the frequency at which you get crushes.

That change can happen for a lot of different reasons, including there just being fewer people you're attracted to in your orbit at any given time. Crushes are weird little beasts, and it's pretty common to see someone you think fits in your previous crush patterns, but the parts of your brain and body that generate crushes just doesn't seem interested.

You mention SSRIs, and it sounds like while they could be playing a role here, they aren't the cause of the initial decline. About how long ago would you say you noticed the change?
Post Reply Previous topicNext topic
  • Similar Topics
    Last post