Lied about my age to an online friend

[fresariver]

Hello! I recently made a friend on twitter (or X), we talked for about a day and we both had similar interests and liked the same shows and stuff. However when I asked for his age he said he was 24. Of course I didn't want to pass up a good friendship because we really do get along so I lied and said I was 18 when I'm actually 16.

It's been three days since we first started talking and I feel really guilty. I know he'll probably be upset and most likely not want to talk anymore since it's an 8 year age gap and obviously a 24 year old man being friends with a 16 year old girl is really, really weird. I just don't know what to do, it's not like we flirt or do anything, we just talk about anime and tv shows and stuff. I just don't want to lose him because he's a really good friend but the guilt is also eating at me

Should I just keep up the lie that I'm 18 and see if our friendship eventually fades out? Should I just tell him?

Thanks in advance!

[CaitlinEve]

Hello fresariver!

That's a tricky question, honestly! I think the biggest question here is; do you feel like it would be safe to tell him that you're a minor? Do you trust him with that information, assuming it's not common public knowledge on your account? As long as you're not having sexual conversations with him, it's not necessarily a harmful thing to lie about at this moment (the same as if you didn't disclose your age) but it's definitely still something you may want to tell him for your sake and his! Especially as he may see you differently at 18 than he would see you at 16; for example, if he's attracted to people of your gender he may see you as a potential romantic partner due to thinking you're of age.

[fresariver]

I do trust him with my actual age- he's actually really nice and easy to get along with- I just don't want to ruin our potential friendship by telling him, you know? I think if our friendship keeps going for longer I'll tell him eventually or if it starts to seem like he might consider me as a potential partner.

He did call me cute one time but it wasn't like flirting exactly. I had just apologized because I started freaking out thinking he removed me and he said "No you didn't do anything wrong don't worry! You're so cute lol" (that was the actual message) but other than that he hasn't said or done anything. What do you suggest?

Also!! His account is sort of an nsfw account (he doesn't post like nudes or anything but he does repost like nsfw ish texts)

[CaitlinEve]

That's a fair concern! I won't tell you whether or not to tell him, I just want you to think about the possibility and what could happen. I do have two things for you to think about...

if he doesn't want to be friends if he knows how old you are...
1). then maybe he's not a friend you'd want to have
2). that's valid on his behalf because there is a big age difference!

Does his account specify that it's 18+/nsfw? For example, on someone's account bio they may have 18+ in the bio because they don't want minors to follow/interact as it may make them uncomfortable. If he has that disclaimer, that does change things a little.

[fresariver]

No his bio just says "nsfw|he/him", I don't know if that makes much of a difference

[CaitlinEve]

I do think that would count as 18+, as nsfw spaces are (typically) 18+ online/exclude minors!

[fresariver]

Ahh okay!! So should I just tell him? How should I go about it?

[Sam W]

Hi fresariver,

Yep, I would say telling him is the way to go. I think keeping it short and simple might be the best option. In other words, explain that you need to tell him something, and then tell him. It may also help to add that you're doing this because you do value your friendship with him, and felt that it was important to be honest with him because of that.