friends to lovers situationship gone wrong

[YellowPamonha]

I have started college in the beginning of the year, and that's when i met T. He was dating when we met and super in love with his girlfriend, and I never saw him as a potential love interest. We didnt become really close friends, but he was really close to my best friend, K. He broke up with his girlfriend in hune, just before vacation. I fell for a guy in the beggining of the year, we started seeing each other, in august he said he wanted something more serious and in the same week hooked up with another girl. I was pissed and super upset, he was the one to ask for something more and then mess it up. He came to me begging to be forgiven, but I knew it would happen again, so I didnt.

At the same time, T was seeing a girl, P, who wasnt giving him the attention he wanted, so I mentioned we should pretend to kiss so both P and F would be jealous. Well, later I found out he had mentioned to K already about us hooking up, and we did. We started to text each other every day and just really talk a lot, would always kiss at parties, go out, sleep at each others place etc. I knew he was still seeing P and i really didnt care, cause I was very into F still, and basically with T only to forget him. Well, after weeks of a lot of contact and T saying stuff like how he likes me, that im a great girl, that he would marry me and me dismissing it, I started taking it more seriously. Then I found out that there were days that I slept with him and he went out with her on the same day, and I felt awful, which made me realize I was developing feelings.

I gave him a couple of hints that I wanted to take it a step further because I was actually into him, but he didnt take me seriously cause id previously said id only want to date in the third year of graduation. A couple of weeks went by and I said, non-directly but he still got the point, that if he stopped hooking up with P, I'd want something with him. He didnt answer me directly, but from then on I stopped letting him visit me (he would come late at night and we would talk and kiss at the porch for a couple of hours). I was trying to text him less, but he was acting like nothing had happened. Then, he started leaving chocolate and candy at my doorstep. We stopped seeing each other outside of class, which we only had together once a week.

Then, one weekend, he went back home and sent me a video of his mom saying that she liked our photo (we went out with friends and a guy took a polaroid of us and sold it to him at a super high price, and he put it on a board at his place). We talked a bit and then he told me he'd listened to the song i'd rec'd him (casual by chapell roan) and hated it, and then i sent another (sozinho by caetano veloso) and he said i was right, he'd done way too many wrong things to me and we should stop all contact. I said thats not what i wanted, he said he hoped we would meet again romantically in the future, i said we should meet to talk propetly and he said hed said everything he wanted. I saud "do whatever you want" and he said "i will. sorry". That was basically it, he then texted me about my bra (i had forgotten it at his place a long time ago and he'd recently fount it), but it didnt work out yet for him to give it to me. So that'll probably be the last time we see each other outside of school.

Two weeks later and I found out that, the day he told me we should stop all contact, he said the same thing to P. And then the next day they agreed to be exclusive. Im just so upset with how everything turned out, and most of all that hes still with her. He said awful, awful things about her (which she knows bc she read his texts while he was sleeping, and then tried to call me at 1 am) and he still prefers to be with her. Why would he say all those things to me, give so many expectations, if he never actually wanted something serious with me?

And to make things worse, K showed me a text where he said he was suffering for love bc of me, and when she questioned him about P, he said one thing had nothing to do with the other and that they'd said they didnt wanna date. And that was like, two days ago. I guess Im also upset that he has such a low character that he would have something serious with someone he has said so many things about in the past, and not want to date (he had told me that being exclusive without dating was stupid). My friends say that, since he was dating when he sould've been "fooling around", hes now discovering the joys of hooking up with a lot of people and doesnt want to settle down or date. But I didnt either! He was the one to mention it so many times that got into my head, and then bailed out.

And still, I'm upset about the whole situation and wish it was me, and not her with him.