question about dating boys

[anne14]

hello! I am 14 years old and could someone explain to me why do the boys are interested in having sex after a few dates?

[Andy]

Hi Anne and welcome to the boards!

I’ve got good and bad news for you. The bad news is, the only one who can tell you why they are interested in sex is the person themselves. Not only is that something not just boys do, but people of other genders as well, but also, the reasons will probably differ from one another.
The good news is, that if that’s something you are not comfortable with, be it after a few dates or ever, you don’t have to have, or be interested in having, sex with them. And if yours and the other person’s different expectations about dating and relationship end up being a deal-breaker? It might hurt to have to let them go, but ultimately, it’s usually better to find about these mismatches sooner rather than later. Does that make sense?

Is your question related to some experience or situation in your life that you would like to talk about more?

[anne14]

Hi Andy , Indeed, you are right that if something is not going well in a relationship you have to separate, but it is difficult and painful because I love this person, or at least I like him, I find him interesting, but he goes too fast. Sorry but I do not want to publicly give details of my relationship with boys.

[Michaela]

Hi Anne,

It sounds like you do have a significant interest in this person and a desire to stay with them but that it's specifically the initiation of sex too quickly that is making you uncomfortable. Does that sound right to you? If you're still wanting to explore a relationship with this person, it can be really helpful to discuss some of these feelings you are having with them because, as Andy said, the only person who can tell you about their thoughts and feelings around sex is the person themself. Have you spoken with him about these feeling you are having? Or how do you think it would go if you did talk to him about this?

It makes sense that you may not want to disclose specific details about your relationship in this public format. However, it can be helpful to know some context about the relationship to find ways to better support you or help you navigate the situation. If you would rather, we do have a chat function that is a private discussion between one of our staff/volunteers and you, if that is something you are more interested in.

[Lydia0001]

If he really likes you, he’ll respect your pace. It’s better to be clear about your boundaries than feel pressured. Relationships should feel comfortable, not rushed.

[anne14]

Hi! I don't want to give more details...we did the foreplay, oral sex...and it was ok, but he wants more than that, and says that if I really love him I have to make love with him.. More than that he doesn't want to wear a condom, and I don't want to get pregnant, although he assures me that he will protect me.. Anyway I think our relationship will end soon although I love him

[KierC]

Hi Anne!

You don’t have to give details if you don’t want to. Nobody here will make you share anything you’re not comfortable sharing. <3

It sounds to me like this guy isn’t respecting some pretty basic boundaries around sex and relationships. Nobody should tell you that you have to have sex to prove your love to someone. Sex is something that should only be done freely, willingly, and excitedly by both consenting partners. It also sounds like he’s ignoring your boundaries and limits around pregnancy. That’s not okay for him to do.

When you say the relationship will end soon, do you mean because you want it to end or because you think he’ll end it? I ask because you’re a participant in this relationship too, and have equal say over if the relationship continues or not, and if you don’t want to be with him, you can decide to end it. How does hearing that make you feel?