How do I deal with having feelings for someone with whom I know could never work out?

[Arasyil]

Basically there was this boy I met in college a couple years ago, and we became friends, but mostly in the context of school - we'd hang out at parties but not really outside of that.

He was really kind, sweet, nice, I liked everything about him honestly. I'm not sure if it counts to say I had a crush on him then, as I was definitely physically attracted to him, but through our conversations I didn't really have any real romantic attraction. He was an awesome friend, but it just didn't get to that level.

Anyways, later on we both sort of fell out of contact and we haven't talked in a few years. But occasionally throughout that time and increasingly more now, I've been having these feelings where I'm *wanting* to be romantically involved with him, because I remember how sweet he was when we were friends, but I know that's not realistic because even if we were to meet again, I don't think I'd actually *be* romantically attracted to him, if that makes any sense?

It's like I'm in love with the idea of the person, which sort of gets idealized as more and more time passes.

And I don't know where these romantic feelings are coming from, or why now, but I just woke up from a dream about this person, and woke up feeling pretty down about it. And combined with the physical attraction which honestly has never gone away, it's just really frustrating.

[CaitlinEve]

Hi Arasyil,

As I'm sure you know, we can't control our romantic/sexual attraction and who it focuses on. What you're saying does make sense, especially as you haven't been in contact for a while. It sounds like you may be craving that connection and that this friend is a safe option for you to fantasize about because subconsciously you don't think it's actually a possibility. Does this sound like something you can relate to?

I went through our articles and found this one that you may find helpful: Is It Wrong To Get Wrapped Up In Potential Romantic Futures?. This article (particularly the second half) focuses a lot on autistic individuals, but don't let that put you off of it if you aren't autistic as this is something EVERYBODY can deal with.