online relationship struggles

[rockloverluka]

i have an online partner of nearly a year and i love them a lot, but sometimes i have my doubts about online dating. i've always been told it's dangerous and wrong and that nothing good ever comes of it, but is that true?

my partner means a lot to me but we've been growing distant lately (longer response times, less 'seeing eachother' [over video call or photos] just generally talking to eachother less and less) and it feels horrible. i want to keep being with them but i feel like they don't love me the way i love them

does anyone have help for this type of stuff?

[CaitlinEve]

Hi rockloverluka, welcome to Scarleteen!

Online dating does have its negatives, yes, but that doesn't mean that it is inherently dangerous and wrong or that nothing good ever comes of it. As long as you're being safe and cautious, the same way you'd be with any relationship, I don't think you need to worry excessively! I did notice your listed age is 13 though and I want to make sure you aren't sharing things like your address or private information with this person. I also want to make sure you know for sure that they're of an age that would be appropiate for you to date. That's not to undercut your relationship, I just want to make sure that you're being safe like I mentioned earlier!

I'm sorry to hear that you've been growing apart from your partner recently though. Online relationships are TOUGH. It takes a lot more effort to actively communicate than an in-person relationship does. Have you talked to them about your concerns? As someone who is in a long-distance relationship, communication is extra important when you don't necessarily have the physical cues to know when something is wrong. You might want to check out this article, it may help you!

Getting Real: Relationships on the Net

[rockloverluka]

my partner (who i will refer to as M for this) doesn't know anything personal about me besides my country, name, etc. basic information that i would share with mostly anyone i'm comfortable with, and i don't know anything seriously personal about M either. sure, we share a lot of hobbies and we're really comfortable with eachother but we take privacy and boundaries very seriously (something i am seriously grateful for, they're awesome)

as for the talking to them about it, they keep getting their phone taken away and it's hard to keep a stable means of communication with them. when they do respond it's usually just like, half an hour of conversation - if i'm lucky, maybe an hour or two. i'll definitely check out the article though, thank you :3

[Latha]

Hi Rockloverluka,

I’m glad to hear that the two of you are so great about privacy and boundaries!

It sounds like your partner has been having a hard time at home - it can be so frustrating when external circumstances put strain on a relationship. Even though you can’t talk for very long, what would you think of telling them that you miss them and are worried about them, and asking them about how you can support them?

[Izza]

Hey, I’ve been there. Online relationships can start off great, but if the other person starts pulling away without explaining, that’s usually a red flag. It’s tough because you don’t get those face-to-face vibes to read the situation.
Honestly, just ask straight up what’s going on. If they dodge or ghost, it’s probably time to move on. No point in wasting your energy on someone who isn’t showing up. You deserve better, plain and simple.
Keep your head up.