Is it sexual assault

Questions and discussion about sexual or other abuse or assault, and support and help for survivors.
Forum rules
This area of the boards is expressly for support and help for those who are currently in or have survived abuse or assault. It is also for those seeking information or discussion about abuse or assault. Please make every effort in this space to be supportive and sensitive. Posts in this area may or do describe abuse or assault explicitly.

This area of the boards is also not an area where those who are themselves abusing anyone or who have abused or assaulted someone may post about doing that or seek support. We are not qualified to provide that kind of help, and that also would make a space like this feel profoundly unsafe for those who are being or who have been abused. If you have both been abused and are abusing, we can only discuss harm done to you: we cannot discuss you yourself doing harm to others. If you are someone engaging in abuse who would like help, you can start by seeking out a mental healthcare provider.
Post Reply Previous topicNext topic
no1sundaylover
newbie
Posts: 3
Joined: Wed Oct 30, 2024 5:21 am
Age: 25
Primary language: English
Pronouns: she/he/they
Location: Australia

Is it sexual assault

Unread post by no1sundaylover »

Earlier today while i was looking through a bookstore, my sister quickly groped my breast. She often hints and jokes to sexual things, and says she's going to molest me (literally said that not even half an hour ago) among other things. She means it as a joke, but is it still valid? As far as I know and have been told it's common for siblings to make sexual jokes

Also, every time she comes out of the shower she shows me her body, and she often changes in front of me. It's not that unnatural for our family to undress in front of each other, especially for me as I normally need assistance, but it might be relevant :?:

I've told my parents about this before, and they just dismiss it as her joking and say just a sentence to her without doing any proper action or consequence

I'm not really sure what to do or how to feel about this
Top
KierC
scarleteen staff/volunteer
Posts: 433
Joined: Tue Mar 12, 2024 12:10 pm
Age: 27
Awesomeness Quotient: I can and will reupholster anything
Primary language: English
Pronouns: She/they
Sexual identity: Queer
Location: Chicago, IL

Re: Is it sexual assault

Unread post by KierC »

Hey No1sundaylover, and welcome to the boards

I’m sorry to hear that your sister chose to say and do these things to you. It is not okay for anyone to touch you without your consent, and it’s not okay for anyone to say or joke about doing something to you without your consent, even if they intend it as a joke. Siblings can sometimes make sexual jokes, yes, but nobody regardless of closeness should be joking about causing you harm and doing anything to you without your consent. I do think, with the undressing, it’s harder to tell without more context, but it sounds like you may be picking up on a difference between your family members undressing in front of eachother out of necessity or habit, and your sister showing you her body. Did I understand you correctly there?

I’m sorry to hear that your parents were dismissive when you brought it up to them. Threats of molestation are definitely not just sentences, and they can understandably make people feel very unsafe. Too, I’d say it’s not just a sentence if she actually did touch you without your consent. Know what I mean? Do you feel like you could talk to them about the touching too, or is there another trusted adult in your life who you could tell?

I want to center how *you* are feeling about all of this, though. I hear you that you’re not really sure how to feel about all of it. Would it be helpful for you to talk a bit about how this makes you feel?
Top
no1sundaylover
newbie
Posts: 3
Joined: Wed Oct 30, 2024 5:21 am
Age: 25
Primary language: English
Pronouns: she/he/they
Location: Australia

Re: Is it sexual assault

Unread post by no1sundaylover »

Hey, thanks for the response

There's not really any other adult I can go to other than my teachers, but even then I'm not sure if I should. I'm already in a bit of a dangerous situation at home and informing others about it can make it a bit counter-productive.

I've also talked to her about it on several occasions, but she just dismisses it and when she says she'll stop, she doesn't. She knows that I don't consent to it and knows how uncomfortable I am

And yeah, for the undressing stuff my family does it more out of habit than necessity. I need help undressing because of a mental disability, though changing in front of each other is normalised in my house for some reason.

I just feel ill in a way. I feel a little nauseous at the thought and I even feel guilty, though I'm not sure why.
Top
CaitlinEve
scarleteen staff/volunteer
Posts: 191
Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2024 2:54 pm
Age: 23
Pronouns: they/them
Sexual identity: queer
Location: Illinois

Re: Is it sexual assault

Unread post by CaitlinEve »

Your feelings on this are valid and I'm sorry you're in a situation that makes you feel like you have to choose between different types of safety. However, you have NO reason to feel guilty. Though only you can definitively say whether it is sexual assault, harassment like this is never the fault of the person being harassed.

What can we do for you? Is listening and responding like this doing enough for you, or would you like some resources or articles that may help you?
Top
no1sundaylover
newbie
Posts: 3
Joined: Wed Oct 30, 2024 5:21 am
Age: 25
Primary language: English
Pronouns: she/he/they
Location: Australia

Re: Is it sexual assault

Unread post by no1sundaylover »

it'd be great if you could provide some resources :)
Top
CaitlinEve
scarleteen staff/volunteer
Posts: 191
Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2024 2:54 pm
Age: 23
Pronouns: they/them
Sexual identity: queer
Location: Illinois

Re: Is it sexual assault

Unread post by CaitlinEve »

I found a few for you! Let me know how you feel about these if you get a chance to read through them.

Blinders Off: Getting A Good Look At Abuse & Assault

Be Your Own Superhero: Learning How And When To Stand Up For Ourselves... with this one, I also want to mention that you not disclosing to other people is not a failure. Protecting yourself comes first, and if it would put you and your situation in danger to talk about this with someone else, your safety comes first.

My Father Isn't Respecting My Personal Boundaries. This one is an advice column that touches on boundaries with family member that you may find helpful and similar to your situation!
Top
Post Reply Previous topicNext topic
  • Similar Topics
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Return to “Abuse & Assault”