Triggered and Seeking Support

[MusicNerd]

Thanks, I appreciate you sharing all that, Heather <3 I don’t feel particularly optimistic that people who are strangers would be willing to take me in for free or low cost (and I wouldn’t blame them), but I appreciate you pointing that out. Maybe if I’d already been living with them for a while and built that trust that could work though.

I just talked with my therapist, and basically what I’m dealing with is outside of the scope of what she can handle/what I would need out of therapy. So, I’m basically being discharged today and I have to find a new therapist that specializes in DBT and trauma (I did a partial hospitalization program last year for DBT and found that more helpful than my now-former therapist’s more generalized approach).

She gave me some resources for where I could find therapists in my area, so I’m hoping a new one gets back to me soon (especially one that does sliding scale costs, in case Medicaid gets cut).

[MusicNerd]

Forgot to mention in my post above: I’m honestly not sure it’ll even be possible for me to heal while I’m in such frequent contact (or potentially have to live with) with my parents. I feel stuck given that my health currently prevents me from being able to be financially independent (I tried working other jobs, but couldn’t due to worsening symptoms), and I worry I’m losing years of progress I made in therapy.

It’s possible that switching to a new approach (like DBT) could help me, but I worry that my health problems existing for who-knows-how-much-longer means I won’t be able to heal while being in contact. Honestly, this all just feels really unfair and like my life is on hold, and stuck in survival mode, while my inner child feels unsafe.

[Jacob]

Hey MusicNerd,

I'm kinda disappointed that your therapist didn't do more to set you up with referrals to some colleague or other. I understand that choosing your own next therapist could be an important way to have ownership but some help probably would have been nice! This at least might mean getting some more specialised and effective care! We'd be happy to be a second pair of eyes if you need any help deciding on a therapist.

I think it can be useful to remind yourself that there's no real backwards steps, whether that's healing or hurting (and usually we're experiencing some combination of the two) - you don't lose progress you've made, there's just new stuff to process, even if it's very very familiar with the same people who were there previously. Likewise it can be helpful not to think of healing as undoing any of the harm you've previously experienced but instead moving to a new state, with new knowledge, strategies, feelings and experiences.

I don't know if that's a helpful way to reframe any of this for you?

[MusicNerd]

Hey Jacob!

Yeah, she gave me some websites where I could find therapists, but that’s about it. Honestly, it felt like a very sudden and cold/impersonal ending to 4 years of me spilling my guts to her. I wasn’t expecting yesterday to be our last session; but I guess all this is a good reminder that being a therapist is ultimately a job, and I’m just a customer at the end of the day.

I really like your reframing of healing and progress— helps me feel less hopeless about being able to make some progress, or heal in some capacity, while being in contact with my parents.

[Heather]

I get why you feel that way! I honestly would not say that this is my sense of how most seasoned therapists would handle this, not be a serious long shot. That was really insensitive, and I'd personally expect a lot better from a mental health professional.

[MusicNerd]

Hi Heather,

Thanks, that helps me feel less like I’m overreacting. We briefly talked about me maybe seeing a therapist who does a different modality like 6 months ago. At the time, she said we would do a “warm transition,” and not immediately end things, if there was another therapist who would be better; but then we decided to stay working together to do some trauma processing instead. Maybe that’s why she felt it was okay to have yesterday be our last session, because I brought up feeling stalled in progress the day before yesterday?

At one point she was like, “I hear you want to talk about feelings,” and then shifted to asking if I would find additional sessions with her useful, and giving me external websites. So… no processing feelings at all, and telling me that she didn’t want me to feel like I’m “wasting [my] time” by continuing with her (which I never said btw).

When I asked if we would have more sessions until I find a new therapist (like the “warm transition” she mentioned months ago), she asked what I would expect from her if we had more sessions. I honestly didn’t know how to respond, and idk it kinda hurts how impersonal it all felt. I get it’s a business, but still.

I sent her a short text saying that it feels weird for things to end so suddenly after 4 years, but I also thanked her for everything she helped me with. I let her know it meant a lot to me, but no reply from her.

Maybe she’ll respond later, who knows. Frankly, I feel stupid for being so vulnerable. I wouldn’t have opened up as much had I known things would end like this. I feel wary of opening up to a new therapist given how this ended, but I also am aware that therapy requires being vulnerable despite it just being a job. It’s a tough spot to be in emotionally.

[Latha]

Hi MusicNerd,

This really was such an abrupt end to your sessions — it is so understandable that you are not in the best place, emotionally. You haven’t done anything wrong by being vulnerable. As others have said, your therapist should have managed this transition better. It is possible to find counselors who are more sensitive to these things, even when it is a professional relationship.

You mentioned that you were in a partial hospitalization program for DBT. Do you think you could contact anyone there for a referral to a new therapist?

[MusicNerd]

Hi Latha,

Thanks, yeah it was pretty abrupt. She just responded saying it was a pleasure to work together, and I expressed how, despite feeling gratitude for our work together, I also feel disappointed by how suddenly things ended. I did my part in communicating, but I guess all I can do now is find a new therapist.

I could reach out to the PHP I went to last year, but if Medicaid gets cut I wouldn’t be able to see them. Because of that, I’ve been mainly looking for sliding-scale therapists in my area (and I’ve found some, so I hope to meet them soon).

Update: I found one to meet with tomorrow, and a few others reached out to me. We’ll see what happens!

[KierC]

Hi MusicNerd,

I also wanted to chime in and echo what others have been saying, that is really abrupt and I’m sorry to hear that happened to you. On your update, though, I am glad to hear that you’ve heard back from some therapists. I hope tomorrow’s meeting goes well, and if you’d like to pop in to let us know how it went, or if you need any help or support with the process of vetting a new therapist, we’re here for you.

[MusicNerd]

Hi Kier,

Thanks so much, I appreciate it! I’ll keep y’all posted on any updates I have. I really am grateful for the support of everyone here. Y’all are awesome <3