How do I talk to an adult?

Questions and discussion about sexual or other abuse or assault, and support and help for survivors.
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This area of the boards is expressly for support and help for those who are currently in or have survived abuse or assault. It is also for those seeking information or discussion about abuse or assault. Please make every effort in this space to be supportive and sensitive. Posts in this area may or do describe abuse or assault explicitly.

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How do I talk to an adult?

Unread post by carson_meow »

I was sexually assaulted back in spring of 2021 and the guy who did it goes to my school.

A few things that you should know are
-I was in a relationship with him when he did it
-My school has never been kind to victims (always wanting “the other side of the story” and victim blaming)
-there are only a few teachers I trust but I DO NOT trust the principal (she outed me as trans to my parents)
-It’s a small school and things get around very fast
-The guy who assaulted me is mildly popular
-My parents don’t know and I’m sure they would blame me

I’m so tired of seeing him everyday. It feels like someone’s holding plastic wrap over my face when he’s around. I want him to pay for what he did.
Sam W
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Re: How do I talk to an adult?

Unread post by Sam W »

Hi carson_meow,

This sounds like an incredibly frustrating situation, in part because you already know your school has a bad track record in both respecting your privacy and believing survivors. That's an unfair amount of nonsense to be navigating when trying to get support around an assault, and I'm sorry you're dealing with it.

Since the title of your thread is about talking to an adult about what happened, do you feel like it's worth speaking to one of the teachers you trust? Or are you worried that they will pass that information on to the principal? And as far as other adults go, are there people in your family besides your parents--like grandparents, aunts, cousins, etc-- who you trust and think could be supportive?

When you're thinking about which adult to bring this to, it may also help to think about what him "paying for" what he did would look like. Is it mainly about keeping him away from you and making sure you don't have classes together or you aren't forced into close proximity (like during a project)? Do you want him to face something like expulsion? Something else?

You mention that this guy is somewhat popular at school. What's your own social situation like? Do you have friends who know what happened or who you could tell? I ask because, in situations like school where you might not be able to fully avoid the person who assaulted you, having friends who can run block for you or be there for you when that suffocating feeling hits you can be really helpful.
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