I am a person of faith who is having trouble reconciling my Christian identity with wanting to support LGBTQ+ people

[dazzlerazzle]

Hi. I am a cisgender and heterosexual man living in the United States as of the time of this post, and for over a decade I have been struggling with a conflict that has been affecting my mind and spirit. I am also a Protestant Christian (Anglican) and I am well aware of the non-affirming attitudes and perspectives from various conservative churches. Around the late 2000s, main pastors and youth pastors were saying "Homosexuality is a sin" and advocated for conversion therapy, and in the 2010s various pastors uploaded YouTube videos of sermons explaining how from a Biblical perspective about "society embracing gender confusion as calling good as evil and evil as good". Since college, I have met many LGBTQ+ people who are out and proud of their identities, and it always feel awkward approaching them when it came to my religious faith.

I know from LGBTQ+ advocacy organizations like The Trevor Project, GLAAD, PFLAG, HRC, and GLSEN, it is still common for LGBTQ+ youth to be marginalized by their classmates and families due to religious beliefs and Bible interpretations. I learned from experience that it is best to hide my religious beliefs (such as not praying before eating a meal) when I am in public or when I am at a meal with someone LGBTQ+.

Furthermore, I read another bulletin board post on Scarleteen about how a volunteer argued that a young woman can be a Christian while being sexually active outside of wedlock. I know that is another contentious issue in the Christian Church. Basically, I want to know if I can be an ally for LGBTQ+ people while being a Christian. I spoke to various people from theologically conservative ministries and churches who say that the Bible frequently condemns any romantic relationship outside "One man and one woman for life", and that they also argue that the Bible is a heteronormative and cisnormative book.

I haven't talked about this concern to my LGBTQ+ acquaintances and friends out of triggering some past trauma for them. When I see LGBTQ+ people criticized for their identity in public, the LGBTQ+ people would say "if you don't support us, then that is your perogative, but you don't have to say it".

[KierC]

Hey dazzlerazzle,

Thank you for your question about this. I’m sorry to hear you’ve been experiencing this conflict between LGBTQ+ identities and your spirituality. You’re not alone in this; reconciling different political, spiritual, and personal beliefs is a journey for many, and we’re open to talk with you about it if you’d like.

I took a look through your older posts, and I see we’ve talked with you a little about this before. I want to ask, before getting too far into a response, if you got a chance to read Jacob’s response, and how that landed with you? Their response has a lot of what I’d like to say here, and I’ll include some what they said here too:

Generally, faith is about leaping over the divide between what you know and what you don't know. The material world of things we can poke and prod and prove and know, whereas spiritual things involve letting yourself believe in something on trust and faith in those very things. I'm not sure anyone can answer those sorts of questions for you, even very devout folks from whatever denomination, because essentially it comes down to you.

Of course plenty of people will tell you you're either good or bad, saved or doomed, in or out... but I'd say they're missing out the whole idea of faith when they do that, and as much as they say those things it doesn't change that you do get to decide what you believe and what you're going to go with, and from what I hear about this Jesus guy, he probably would have supported you doing that too.

At the end of the day, however you combine different ethical, sexual, political and spiritual beliefs is your choice - which is a little scary, but it's just one of those things!

How did that all land with you?

To answer your question about if you can be an LGBTQ+ ally and a Christian, the answer is yes. As an example, there are many Christian churches and communities that not only accept and include LGBTQ+ people, but are organized and run by LGBTQ+ folks too. As Jacob said, too, regardless of what people are saying and doing about LGBTQ+ people in your church, when it comes to matters of faith, it really comes down to how you believe. With that said, a start to helping resolve some of this conflict might be to talk a bit about how *you* feel. When you hear anti-LGBTQ+ messages, what is your reaction?

I also want to respond to this:

I know from LGBTQ+ advocacy organizations like The Trevor Project, GLAAD, PFLAG, HRC, and GLSEN, it is still common for LGBTQ+ youth to be marginalized by their classmates and families due to religious beliefs and Bible interpretations. I learned from experience that it is best to hide my religious beliefs (such as not praying before eating a meal) when I am in public or when I am at a meal with someone LGBTQ+.

It’s true that LGBTQ+ folks are frequently marginalized by others for many reasons, and some of that occurs partly from anti-LGBTQ interpretations of the Bible, but I think that minimizes the role of the individual doing the marginalizing. When an LGBTQ+ person is marginalized by someone due to someone’s religious beliefs, it’s not the religion itself doing the marginalizing — it’s how the person chooses to enact their own beliefs in that specific scenario. Praying isn’t an anti-LGBTQ sentiment — in fact, plenty of LGBTQ+ people also pray! But it sounds like you might’ve had some personal experience with this. Did you have an experience with this that makes you wary of expressing your spirituality around LGBTQ+ people?

[KierC]

Double-posting to add that, if it helps to see that you’re not alone in supporting LGBTQ+ people as a Christian, here’s a website for LGBTQIA+ Christian life that includes a whole encyclopedia of articles answering questions about scripture and sexuality: Queer Grace: Encyclopedia. I hope this helps

Edit: this article from Queer Grace might be a good start!

[dazzlerazzle]

Hi KierC,

Thank you for responding to my post. I know that my faith is personal, but sometimes I worry about being judged by judgmental people. Also, even though I am not LGBTQ+, as a person on the autism spectrum, I can relate to being marginalized for being different. I would feel nervous or upset whenever someone judges and condemns LGBTQ+ people or identities. What really helped me become for knowledgeable and compassionate about LGBTQ+ issues was watching this TLC docu-series called I Am Jazz in 2015 to 2020. The show really showed me how LGBTQ+ people are just like everyone else, with their unique strengths and struggles, despite having an atypical sexual orientation or gender identity.

I also talked to a friend named Sabrina from college, who also happens to be Christian, and when I asked her how does she reconcile her faith with supporting LGBTQ+ people, she replied this.

I am going to be unbiased. How other people live their lives is not my business. I do not judge.

Given that it is very hard for a person to be completely unbiased (given that we may have implicit biases that we are not even aware of having), I wonder if she secretly holds non-affirming views but is afraid of sharing them out of fear of "not being cancelled or deplatformed".

[KierC]

I can definitely understand the worry of being judged by people for your beliefs, and I’m sorry that you have that worry, I know it’s not fun to feel. It sounds like you really do support LGBTQ+ people, and also that you can relate to the suffering that happens when you’re marginalized for being different. Being unbiased, not judging others, loving others and accepting others, are all things that are supported in the Bible, and so if we extend that idea, accepting everyone regardless of their identity can be very much in line with how you practice your Christian faith. It also sounds like you have empathy for others. How would you feel, then, about framing LGBTQ+ allyship as an extension of loving others and empathy for others?

It sounds like your friend said that she is not judging others and not going to be biased. I hear you, too, that you’re wondering if she might have some implicit biases, and I agree with you that it’s hard for people to have zero implicit biases. Implicit biases can arise out of cultural context, societal messaging, religion as you know, religion, media, and childhood experience — and a lot of that is out of our control. But what is in our control is what we do about those implicit biases: if we address them or not, asking ourselves where these biases come from and if we truly believe, them; and if we act on them or not (and how we do that). So, I think part of what your friend was saying is that she’s not going to treat people differently based on their identity. There also may be a possibility that she doesn’t secretly hold non-affirming views (as in consciously having these views but choosing not to act on them), but may have implicit/truly subconscious biases that influence how she talks about LGBTQ+ people — “It’s not my business” is a bit different from full acceptance and allyship, you know?

[dazzlerazzle]

“It’s not my business” is a bit different from full acceptance and allyship, you know?

Yes, it seems that in the United States where I live, it is no longer socially acceptable to express anti-LGBTQ+ views, but that doesn't mean people's hearts and minds are changing. These views are basically being reserved in the "underground". I honestly think Sabrina would not approve of queer identities in my view, but claims neutrality to avoid a heated discussion.

[KierC]

Ah, I hear that. There’s still a long way to go with folks truly examining their harmful biases. It sounds like Sabrina might or might not be really accepting; but either way, that is separate from how *you* feel, and doesn’t mean that you can’t decide for yourself what you believe in. Did you have thoughts on other parts of my response?

[dazzlerazzle]

Well, thank you for saying that I have empathy. It is just saddening to see families, and faith communities disrespecting a group of people for who they are.

Also, it is really hard to find "Open and Affirming" (LGBTQ+ affirming) churches, especially given I live in the southeastern United States.

[KierC]

I agree with you, it is saddening to see. Are you interested in looking for a more affirming church? Just to be clear, I believe you can be an LGBTQ+ ally no matter where you’re at or which church you attend, as long as you treat people with respect and advocate for people wherever you’re at. So, if you feel more comfortable at the church you currently go to, that’s totally okay and it doesn’t mean that you don’t support LGBTQ+ people if you truly do, you know? But if you are interested in at least seeing a visual of it, that there are affirming churches near you, this website and article has some ways that you can see affirming churches near you on a map.