How to talk to a friend about hygiene issues

[MountainMix]

I have a friend who I love but who has extreme hygiene issues, specifically concerning their poop. She tells me she has diarrhea problems and has been having these issues for a long time so she’s going to see a doctor soon about it. But I’m concerned her issue is worse because she can’t seem to hold her poop in. She’s pooped in my car twice, in our other friend’s car three times, has poop stains all over her bed, and her underwear is full of poop stains. Additionally, I used her bathroom today and there’s pee and poop stains all over her toilet and on the bathroom floor. People have commented about this in the past with her but she gets offended because she’s a plus size woman and it’s a stereotype she struggles with. I just don’t know to to approach this issue in a sensitive way without triggering her wounds. I’m really concerned for her health. What should I do?

[Sam W]

Hi MountainMix,

I actually think this might be a time to not say anything. It sounds like your friend knows this is an issue, knows you and her other friends are concerned about it, and is planning to speak with a healthcare provider soon. So, if you do want to talk with her about this, a way to go may be to ask if there's anything you can do as an accommodation when you spend time together (e.g only meeting places she has easy access to a bathroom).

[MountainMix]

That’s a good idea. What other accommodations are there to help her?

[Sam W]

I would ask her about that if she's comfortable talking about it. She may know if there are things that aggravate or help the situation that you might be able to either avoid in incorporate into time together.