I get pleasure from dry humping but not touching myself... Is this normal?

[Midnight Rain]

Hii! So, I just turned 16 and I've always been a little nervous about it, but I finally, you know, inserted a finger up in there , and I took it slow, I used lube and it fit inside okay, but I didn't feel any sort of pleasure all. If anything, it was a bit uncomfortable. I tried relaxing, foreplay and such, but nothing.

However, (I don't know if it's important to note but I'm always wearing clothes when I do this), I get pleasure just from dry humping pillows, blankets, etc. but when it comes to actually touching myself at all, I don't get any stimulation... Is this normal?

I know every person is different and unique, but should I be concerned? I want to learn to climax by actually touching myself, but is this just who I am and I'll never be able to do that?

Thanks a lot for your time, I know I'm a bit confusing

[KierC]

Hey there Midnight Rain, and welcome to the boards!

No worries, you are not confusing. I understand how learning how to masturbate and learning what feels good can be confusing itself, especially when you see other people feel good from direct touching but it hasn’t felt good for you.

I want you to know, first, you’re absolutely not alone here in what you’re describing. You’re so right that everyone is different and unique, but truly, you’re not alone in finding dry humping pleasurable. There are so many factors and variables that can impact how good something feels sexually — some folks find that feeling skin-on-skin is pleasurable, and other folks find that it just doesn’t feel great at all. That doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with the folks who don’t enjoy it, and it doesn’t mean they’re alone either. It just means that other things feel better for them. All that’s to say, you’re not alone and there is nothing wrong with you for this. Plenty, plenty of folks find that indirect touching is more pleasurable because it introduces different textures and allows for different pressures, too!

On your question of if this is just who you are: What you find pleasurable may very well change throughout your life, based on what environment you’re in, how you’re feeling, who’s around you, etc. etc. — but if it doesn’t change, that doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. You’ve just found what you enjoy (and that is something to be celebrated!).

You can absolutely continue to explore direct touching, too, and it may even help to incorporate a mixture of direct touching and dry humping, if that’s something you want to explore. I want to emphasize exploring this with curiosity and not judgement: if you continue to explore direct touching and it just feels the same, that’s okay! You can continue with what feels good with the knowledge that there’s nothing wrong with you, you’re just finding exactly what you DO like.

How does that sound to you, as a start?

[Midnight Rain]

Thank you so much for your response, KierC.

(Also sorry for the late reply.)

Yeah, that sounds like a good start, I'm a little nervous about it but I'll give it a try.

Maybe I'm nervous just because of the fact that while I do have privacy in my room, my family is usually in the house and while I can relax a great deal, there's always a little hint of nervousness. So yeah, maybe it is just in the environment, and how feel might change when I get my own place.

Also, I'm just wondering, I'm not sure, but I just have a feeling that I could feel pleasure when touching myself, but I'm just kinda nervous or tense up when I try moving. Do you have any advice for that? And if you don't, that's fine, it's just a minor question.

[KierC]

Hey there Midnight Rain,

Privacy concerns can *certainly* impact how you feel when you masturbate. After all, sexual arousal and satisfaction are really hard to achieve if you don’t already feel relaxed, aroused, and lubricated; so if you’re in a space where somebody might pop in, that can totally impact your sexual experience. I want to send two articles about this. Here is an advice column from someone in a situation close to yours, and this is an article on how to manage privacy concerns at home! Does going through those articles help a bit?

Feeling nervous and tensed up can make it more difficult to experience pleasure, absolutely. I agree with you and I also think it’s worth continuing to explore masturbation in different ways if you want to do that, with the knowledge that easing tension and feeling relaxed is going to help things feel the best. I do have advice, starting with seeing if we can identify the source (or sources) of nervousness or tension, but I’d like to clarify first: Could you say a little more about how you experience tension when you move during masturbation? Is there a specific spot it shows up in your body, and what sort of thoughts or feelings pop up in those moments?