Can't orgasm

[Ainsley2025]

Id never ask this of anyone IRL as it's way too humiliating, but this board let's people remain pretty anonymous so here it goes.
I'm a 14 year old girl who discovered masturbation at 11, but I've never had a single orgasm. I have no way to describe how close I've gotten as I have no clue what one feels like.
I know the basic anatomy stuff like focus on your clit instead of penetration, I've never inserted anything, even a tampon (I'm a virgin).
I don't have any issues getting turned in, in fact I seem to almost live in that state since I discovered masturbation, and ots gotten stronger since I started dating 3 months ago. But no matter how horny I am I can't seem to do anything except make myself even more desperate for an orgasm.
I know you'll ask a lot of questions so let me try to answer some ahead of time.
1. Yes I do enjoy it even without orgasm as it feels good, but its nothing like what I've heard my friends describe. None of the toe curling and putting a pillow over my face to stay quiet.
2. No, I've never been assaulted or anything like that so fear/trauma isn't palying a role.
3. No, I don't have access to anything like a vibrator as my parents are extremely conservative and find any sex toy to be a filthy stepping stone to having sex. I'm absolutely sure she's never used one either. She'd consider it a "sin."
4. No, I don't do anything sexual with my boyfriend. All we've done is make out and that's all we're doing for now.. although that makes me desperately horny.
5. Whenever I do masturbate and get really into it, I experience.. I guess what I'd call pressure and slight pain for 20 minutes or so after I stop. I guess I'd compare it to a girls version of the "blue balls" my boyfriend has mentioned several times.
6. I only got my first period 5 months ago, so I don't know if I'm just not able to orgasm yet, or if that even plays a role at all.
After 3 years of trying part of me wants to just give up on trying, but another part of me says "YOU NEED THE FIREWORKS YOU'VE HEARSD ABOUT!" You can imagine what part of me that is, the horny part.
I KNOW my mom won't be cool with getting me a vibrator but I can't help but wonder if that'd help, 3 of my friends have them and they say that they pop within 10 minutes of turning it on, at most.
Am I doomed to just never cum or will I have to wait until I decide to have sex before I'll be able to?

[CaitlinEve]

Hi Ainsley2025, welcome to Scarleteen!

I want to start by addressing some of the things you've said. You mention knowing basic anatomy as being a reason you focus on your clit instead of penetration, but everybody and every body is different! Some people cannot orgasm from penetration alone and the reverse is true; some people can't orgasm just from clitoral stimulation. You may be one of these people who needs vaginal penetration to achieve orgasm. If you were to insert something (whether that be your finger, a sex toy, or a tampon), that doesn't get rid of your 'virginity'. Additionally, as for point 6, menstruation does not have a role in orgasm.

Now onto your main post! I completely understand how frustrating this can be and I'm sorry that you're struggling with achieving orgasm! Unfortunately, there's no advice I can give that will guarantee that you can orgasm, but I can give you some tips and general advice. First, you are NOT doomed to never cum! Sometimes it just takes a while to find the right combination for you and your body. Some people, for example, can only orgasm during partnered activities whereas some can only orgasm solo. It also may not be helping that you're (intentionally or unintentionally) hyping up orgasm as the end-all be-all to sexual satisfaction (the fireworks!). Actually, you may even have orgasmed before but not realized it; all orgasms are unique (like snowflakes) and what counts as finishing for you may not be what you're expecting.

I recommend checking out this article; it may help you out more!

[Ainsley2025]

I read the article you linked , and found more stuff too.
I tried letting whatever happens happen without actually focusing on an orgasm, and after about 20 minutes it definitely felt different than before, but no orgasm. . I'm still afraid of it hurting if I insert a finger but I'm going to try to add that too next time

[Heather]

Learning to orgasm tends to be a process, rather than something that's going to happen right away by making this kind of change or by changing how you are touching yourself.

I'd say to give yourself a couple of months of trying this with the different headspace you have, and by all means, I think experimenting with a vibrator is a good idea. You might want to check this article out if getting a vibrator that is made to be a vibrator is an issue at home (though honestly, if you can get one, I'd simply not talk to your parents about it and keep it somewhere they don't look for things: clearly, they're not going to support it, but that doesn't mean you can't have one): D.I.Y Sex Toys: Self-Love Edition.

[Ainsley2025]

I discovered today that you dont have to be 18 to get a vibrator from walmart.
I had no idea, I thought I'd have to show an ID.
I just assumed that since the actual dedicated toy shops require you to be 18 .. that meant everywhere would card. But the internet said to just use self check out and don't even worry about a cashier giving you any looks. So I decided to try it with my friend Sasha today and we had 0 issues (she got 1 too).
2 prepaid visa gift cards later we walked out with 2 vibrators. I got lube too - from what I've read about trying any finger stuff that's a necessity at least at first.

[Heather]

Even when lube isn’t necessary, it tends to make everything feel nicer, including with something like using a vibrator on the external portions of your clitoris.

And hey, good for you both, taking a positive risk to benefit yourself in your own sexual lives!