confused about masturbation and toys

[eastonnn]

hi sorry if this is confusing but idk who else to ask about it and its sort of embarrasing

ive been masturbating for a while now and im bored with it and wanted to try it in a new way by getting a toy specifcally a fleshlight but idk if thats like too crazy or maybe bad for me to use??

ive never used anything other than my hand and also i dont know how to get it since my mom would have to know and idk if this is something i should talk to her aboutt or not. shes been asking me for weeks what i want for my birthday and that she would get me whatever i wanted so i thought for a second maybe i could ask for this but would that be dumb and make her mad and if not then how could i bring it up?

thankss

[Andy]

Hi eastonnn and welcome to the boards!

No worries, this is a great place to ask this and your post is perfectly okay!

I think you might like this article that talks about common household things you can safely use to masturbate: D.I.Y Sex Toys: Self-Love Edition
This way, you can experiment with different kinds of stimulation even if you won’t be able to get a toy right away.

As for if and how to bring this up with your mum, how do you think she would react? Have you ever talked about sex and sexuality related topics with her?

[eastonnn]

hii thanks for replying i have tried making my own toy already but likee it didnt turn out so great so thats why i really wanted a real one. idk how exactly my mom would react but shes usually pretty chill and stuff but we dont rlly talk about stuff like this much because i get embarrassed and since its just me and her at home i dont really have anyone else to talk to about it but i do wish i could be more open with her about these things but i dont know how much i can talk about before she thinks its tmi

[Andy]

Glad to hear your mum seems like a safe person to talk about this with!

It’s understandable that these conversations can feel a bit intimidating and awkward, especially for the first time. But that’s okay, it’s even possible your mum wants to talk about sex and sexuality with you but just doesn’t know how to start! Could you give this article a quick read and let us know if something there helps you with the possible conversation? About That "Talk" with Your Parents...

As for you worry that it might be too much for her, it’s good to remember she has the ability to ask you to stop you if she needs to. You both can state your own needs and boundaries for the conversation beforehand.
It’s also worth mentioning that instead of a single conversation about getting a toy, it might be good to make sex and sexuality a more frequent topic among you two, if you feel comfortable with that of course.

[eastonnn]

i read thru the article and it had alot of good points , im still sorta nervous to have a conversation about it but im gonna try. but if the conversation is goin well how do i bring up the toy? like what should i say

[HannahP]

Hi Eastonnn!

I don't think there's any one right way to bring up something like this -- it totally depends on you and your mom's relationship and what you're comfortable sharing with her! You might want to tell her pretty much what you've told us here, that you want a toy, but that you feel awkward talking about it. How does that sound?

[Heather]

I do want to pipe in and make a suggestion, thinking about the perspective of parents in this situation.

Those of us who have long worked as sex educators have usually talked to at least one (and in my case, way more than one) parent who feels really torn and conflicted about getting their minor child a sex toy. Those worries and concerns run the gamut from being worried about boundaries with their kids, to being worried about the department of children and family services knocking on their door because they were a legal adult who bought a minor a sex toy, an unfortunately understandable concern in this era, even if that actually happening isn't presently all that likely.

So, instead, if you're going to ask her to help you get something like this, might I suggest that you try and make things a little more comfortable for you by asking her for a gift card for somewhere where you can get toys? I generally am the last person to suggest someone gives Amazon any more money, especially for sex toys, but just as an example in this case, they do sell a ton of strokers and other toys that anyone who had a gift care could get and have sent to them. You could tell your mother you want the gift card for something you want to keep private because it's about your body, too: the point isn't that asking for a toy is something to be ashamed of, so much as that -- especially with a young teen like you -- it presents a tricky position for both a child and a parent that I think can be alleviated with a little grace and a little less directness, in this case.