19 years old, Can't masturbate.

[Rokko1213]

Hi everyone, I'm 19 years old and I just can't seem to get the hang of masturbating. I know how everything works, and though I've only tried a couple of times, I still can't seem to enjoy this activity. I have never had sex nor do I wish to, I'm not religious or anything but anytime something remotely close to sex has happened I've never enjoyed it. I often wake up in the middle of the night, have an orgasm, and then fall back asleep, I think this is the only way my body can release sexual tension. Other than the fact that my body physically can't seem to get excited, my mind is lacking as well. I don't enjoy porn, and every time I sexually touch myself, I often feel disgusting, unnatural, embarrassed, or ashamed. I've never been sexually assaulted and I don't have any "impurity" problems, so I'm not sure why this is the case. I thought I was Asexual because I have never fantasized about anyone in particular, but I've had sexual fantasies. I think about sex all the time, just the thought of doing something intrigues me, but then when it gets down to it, or if anyone shows interest, all I want is for it to stop. Please help, any advice will be appreciated.

[Michaela]

Hi Rokko and welome to Scarleteen!

I want to start off by saying that what you are describing is pretty common-- actually one of the most discussed topics here on the boards. That's because pleasure and arousal is much more about the brain than we tend to think (this article touches on that more). So, it makes sense that if your mind is having these feelings of embarrassment or shame that it would almost certainly impact the feelings in your body, almost like your brain throwing up a big STOP sign to your body.

Before we get into that, you also mentioned not finding enjoyment in masturbation and feeling like you want it to stop when more directly involved in it. It's important to listen to yourself and only engage in masturbation if that is something you are wanting to do. If you are feeling like you are not wanting to, you don't need to and that is perfectly normal as well.

If you are interested in exploring masturbation more, a good place to start may be getting a little introspective about your thoughts and feelings that are leading to this response. Being a human in this world, it is pretty tough to escape messages masturbation being something that's "dirty" or "wrong"-- especially for women. Although we are not always aware of it, these messages can come through via things we hear in media, from family, friends, or other elements of our culture.

Are there places where you've encountered these things that you described feeling (masturbation being disgusting, unnatural, or shameful) represented or depicted? Or where do you feel like these thoughts might be coming from?