My vagina rejects anything bigger than 2 fingers

[DieselKat]

Hey friends, I've had a dilemma for a few years now (I'm 19), ever since the first time I tried using a toy, my body just rejects anything bigger than two of my fingers entirely. I feel extreme pain after about an inch of insertion and my muscles tense up and just force whatever is in me out. Even with lube.

I want to be sexually active, but I'm so scared that when my partner tries to use anything other than fingers my body just won't accept it.

Is there anything I can do to make my body accept anything bigger than fingers? I try to relax as much as possible and use lube but nothing works.

[Heather]

Hi there, DieselKat.

So, being "sexually active" is just a term for engaging in any kind of sexual activity. It's not just about intercourse or sex that involves the vaginal canal. What kinds of sex people choose to engage in won't all be the same, and one of the factors in that diversity is about what feels good and doesn't to different people.

Vaginal entry, or some ways of doing it, doesn't feel good to everyone. It also isn't required of anyone, just to be clear, and we can be sexual with partners with or without it. But if it's something you want to explore for yourself -- not something you feel like you have to be able to do for partners, which is never a good way to go about anything sexual -- we can talk through some troubleshooting if you like.

You say you try and relax and are sure to use lube. But are you also doing things before and during anything to do with your vagina that you enjoy and that feels good and turns you on? Like, are you engaging your external clitoris or other body parts where touch feels good before trying this? Also, it may be that your fingers, or the angle of your fingers, isn't what feels good to you: do you find that any of the touch you are engaging in with your vagina not only doesn't hurt, but feels good to you? Have you experimented with toys for this kind of sexual activity?