A few quick questions from a newbie lesbian

[Inkling]

Hi there! I’m new to scarleteen and pretty new to being a lesbian in general (I just figured it out a few months ago but in reality I’ve been one for quite some time I just don’t know it), and I just have a few questions.

I grew up in a pretty homophobic environment, so I’m unsure what terms I know are offensive or not, and was just wanting a quick overview of common terms that are actually offensive if that makes sense.

Another question I have is is it possible to be both masc and a bottom? I’m just now learning about all of these terms and I think I have a pretty good idea of what they all mean thanks to the resources I’ve discovered (such as scarleteen), but despite these words both describing me I’m not sure if they can go together. Like style and personality wise I’m pretty masc but also I’m definitely a bottom and I don’t know if those two things can coexist.

Im so sorry if any of these questions are stupid or very obvious, I’m really trying to get the hang of being a part of this community

[Heather]

Hi there, Inkling! Welcome! None of this is stupid, I'm glad you feel able to ask questions here. <3

I don't think we can give you a list like that, for a couple of reasons: for one, we don't want to post offensive terms here because we do our best to make this space feel safe for folks, and running into a list of hurtful words isn't in line with that. But too, when it comes to words we use for queer folks, what people find offensive is often at least somewhat individual and isn't the same from person to person. Heck, there are people who find the term "queer" offensive, even though it's a word a lot of people use to identity themselves. I think that instead of trying to find what words are often offensive, it might be more helpful to have a conversation about what words people use that generally are NOT offensive. If that sounds good, can you tell me what kinds of things you're looking for language around?

You 100% can be masc and a bottom. You can be femme and a top. You can be masc and a top or femme and a bottom or non-binary/agender/genderqueer and any of those things, and everyone can be a switch, and everyone can be none of these things! While heteronormative gender norms often present topping and bottoming as tied to gender or gender roles, that's just not what queer people do. Those roles truly have nothing to do with us (and they sure don't serve straight people very well, either!).

[Inkling]

Thank you so much! And yes that makes total sense sorry for not being very specific before. I suppose what I’m looking for is the best terms for the people groups in general? Mainly just is there a better word for someone who is a part of the LGBTQ+ community or is that the proper term and when speaking of women attracted to women (not like a specific person just a people group in general) do I refer to them as lesbians or queer or what? I know there’s no pleasing everyone and no matter what I say someone will be offended but just what in general is better

[lilikoi]

Hey Inkling! Wow! I am so proud anytime someone from a homophobic community claims their sexuality. That is so hard and something I am still working on to this day so happy to welcome you into the community.

First of all, and maybe you've already come across this article but, this is a good starter to the terms and concepts related to sexual orientation:The Rainbow Connection: Orientation for Everyone.

My initial response to your question might feel like a non-answer but I want to emphasize that the beautiful nature of queerness is that there is no one way to describe sexuality. It is sooooo individual. Choosing a word to describe your feelings is a great way to explain your connection to a community but can be limiting as well. With that in mind, every queer person is going to have their own answer to your question. You can see that the word I find myself using is queer for describing someone who belongs to the LGBTQ community. There's a few reasons I like it. I like a clap back and there is history associated with reclaiming the word queer. Also, one of the first queer people I knew in my homophobic town used the word queer so when I use it, it reminds me of him.

I can pose the question to our team to get a temperature read for you in case other people don't see your post. Whatever term you end up using, rainbow squad, gay people, you name it! As a member of the community, it's actually up to you and what makes you feel seen and connected to other people.

[char]

Hi Inkling! Happy to hear that you've discovered your identity as a lesbian and are learning more about LGBTQ+ folks. I'd like to share my 2 cents on your question.

For a general group of people who are not cisgender, heterosexual, perisex (someone born with sexual-reproductive organs and genes that are typically considered "male" or "female"), allosexual (someone who forms sexual attractions), and alloromantic (someone who forms romantic attractions), I usually use the acronym 2SLGBTQIA (Two-Spirit, lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, intersex, and asexual-aromantic) or "people of marginalized genders and sexualities" in formal/more serious settings. In a conversation setting like we have here, I use queer as a general term because I do find it empowering to use--just like lilikoi mentioned.

For "women attracted to women," some people use "lesbian" as a catch-all term, but others use different ones like "sapphic," which is adapted from Sappho, an Ancient Greek poet who wrote many love poems, and "WLW" which is short for "women-loving-women." Also, when using these terms, people usually mean not just cis women, but also trans women and gender-expansive folks who strongly relate to femininity.

I second lilikoi; in the end, it all comes back to you on what terms you'd like to use. ^_^

[Inkling]

Thank you all so much! All of your replies have been so helpful and you all have no idea how grateful I am to be welcomed into the community so warmly I means so much thank you all