a person i know is suicidal

[tinygoblin]

hey all, i'm in a difficult situation right now. i know a girl from school , we had a class together and met twice outside of class to talk and stuff, since we got along quite well. she told me about the massive transhobic harassement she faced in uni which made it unable to continue her studies. i listened to her and was horrorfied and offered my support in helping her move and going with her to a helpdesk for violence against women (both of my offerings could not be met since i couldn't make it one time and she already had support for the other thing). she was also really involved in uni politics and i kinda rolled along with her since i liked her and wanted her to like me. but i was not particularly interested in the uni politics but never had the guts to say so directly, simply not contacting her since we had a slight disagreement about politics. i just wasn't so interested. over the course of the year we did not have contact but i heard from other people that she asked for support and had folks who supported her. three weeks ago i was contacted by a person who asked me if i could contact her, since two folks feared for her life due to her mental health situation and wanted to know if she was still alive if she would answer a message. i was not really thrilled since i did not want contact with her again, but i offered to do it since they seemed so desperate and had no other means of contact. i texted her with some silly question, after a talk with a friend i chose to tell her the truth and we texted a bit. i asked if she had concrete support needs and she said no, nothing works and she does not even know what i have expected offering support, since i haven't done anything in the year for her. she wrote me an extremly long message saying if my support was genuine i should make her able to pay for meds, that she can sleep and i should do this and that. otherwise i'm just like the other people who want to see her dead and don't care, and just check in on her without doing anything. she also wrote about different situations i have not been in and lumped me together with people who said horrorble things towards her. she also said that everyone is scared of her anger and stigmatizes it. i know that texting her was weird and not being there for here more last year, simply because i was uncomfortable, is not very nice, but this message and the intensity of her emotions really scared me. i am scared that i am stigmatizng her emotions but it's just a lot and when i thought of support i though about making food or making a call for her. i did not state that directly and after these messages was not sure if i still wanted to. she wrote a couple more messages the same night which are as intense, stating that she is suicidal, listing the horrorbil dehumanizing things people have said to her and saying nobody cares about her and she can prove this to me. after i talked to different friends about this i chose to text her that i will disengage from this conversation and i wish her very well and blocked her.

i am unsure if this is the right thing to do. i fucked up since i did not really think through initially and i might have hurt her again, offering support and then not doing anything. since she is suicidal im also scared that it is my fault that she will kill herself since i haven't done anything. i know that i'm capable of supporting friends through hard times but she is not my friend. i could torelate very harsh words from a friend if they come from despair, but i could not deal with them since there's no trust between us.

is it okay what i did? i am glad that i cut contact but i am also not okay with being a bystander. it makes me feel really guilty for being judged for my choice and i am therefore unsure if it was the right one, since it's not okay to ignore violence. i don't know if i am making this all about me and should get my shit together, tolerate the intensity of her emotions and do support. (this is not possible anymore i think, and i also think it would have been very hard since she was already feeling let down and stuff by me). but my friends said it's okay if i chose not to, one other said i should do it if i really want to and not make this about me.