questioning if i’m lesbian instead of bi

[catsnores]

hi! so, i’ve been questioning recently because most of my women family friends have been getting married or have been thinking about marriage with a guy. for the longest time, i didn’t think i could be in a serious relationship because of my commitment and intimacy issues, thinking i had an avoidant attachment style. but now, the thought of marrying a girl feels so much more natural to me than having a guy as a life-long partner.

i /think/ i may love guys, but i’m more in love with women? waking up to a girl, raising kids or pets with a girl, feels more comfortable to me.. but i’ve felt attraction to guys in the past, like wanting to get to know them more, admiring and adoring them and all. kissing them is fine too. but marriage? a long-term relationship? i haven’t kissed or dated a women yet, but i’d like to, and it feels like i’d be more committed to them. what if i just like the idea of it?

sorry for rambling ㅠ_ㅠ any sort of input would be helpful.. thank you.. ㅠ_ㅠ

[Sam W]

Hi catsnores,

So, before I say anything else, I want to emphasize that you are the ultimate decider in what, if any, label you use to described your sexual orientation. We can certainly offer our thoughts and information, but you'll always be the expert on your thoughts, feelings, and experiences.

With that in mind, what you're describing still sounds like bisexuality, in the sense that you're experiencing desire and attraction for multiple genders. Bisexuality doesn't mean you feel the exact same way about men and women, although some people do experience it that way.

Would you say that bisexual still feels like the label that feels most comfortable to you? Or does it not resonate with you like it used to?

[catsnores]

hi! thank you for replying sam :]

i see! these days, bisexuality feels like an inaccurate label for me. i don't question my desire and attraction for women, but i do for men haha. i feel like all i'll ever feel for men is platonic love or attraction. whenever i picture the future, i have a wife in mind, not a husband or a boyfriend. i did mention that kissing them is fine, but only if they initiate it or bring it up. i've never actually had the desire to kiss or make out with a guy. but you're right, maybe it's bisexuality with a lean towards women? i'm not interested in dating or marrying a guy, but i am curious if i'm actually attracted to them instead of acknowledging that they are objectively attractive. sometimes i wonder if i'm only inclined to them because of the validation or attention, which worries me, because i know that it's toxic and unfair to them.

maybe i shouldn't rush into a label yet with my uncertainty. anyways, thank you again for replying and giving me the initial reassurance <3 :]

[Sam W]

You're very welcome!

You can certainly be a bi person who leans towards women, but if the label of bisexuality doesn't feel quite right these days, there's no harm in trying on others to see how they feel (part of the reason I describe myself as "queer" is that "bisexual" felt like it didn't quite get at how I felt). And, as you pointed out, there's no rush to find a label, and even if you never find one, that would still be okay.