query about a post

[rsdd23]

in your post about the risks of pregnancy and STIs, under manual sex having no risk of pregnancy, does that include the fingers having semen?

[Heather]

Whether it's in an article or in a post, when we are accounting for pregnancy risks that can occur with a given activity, we account for all of the factors that can be involved.

But trace amounts of semen on fingers, even if that is part of manual sex, just isn't a way pregnancy can happen, for a few reasons, but the biggest is that sperm cells are delicate, and being rubbed around basically makes them unable to do what they can do.

Now, if you're talking about something that isn't really part of manual sex, like someone ejaculating into their hand then literally putting a whole pool of fresh ejaculate onto a vulva or inside a vagina, that is something a bit different. But in 25 years of doing this job, no one has ever posted describing that scenario, so chances are good you aren't.

[rsdd23]

so no one has ever gotten pregnant from fingering?

[Heather]

No one is ever going to be able to tell you that no one, in the history of human beings, has never had a pregnancy happen when there are penises and vaginas involved in some way. History is simply too long, most pregnancies throughout history won't have ever had any data collected about them, and every now and then -- be it about pregnancy or anything else -- bodies do some very unexpected things.

Instead, all someone like a sex educator or healthcare provider can do is tell you what we know is and isn't likely now, based on how we know bodies to work.

Given these questions, though, it sounds like there is probably a much better way to come at what I suspect you are really asking than trying to come at this academically like in this and your other post, especially if you aren't already very well-versed in how human reproduction works.

Did you engage in manual sex with someone and are now worried about pregnancy? If so, now that whatever that incident was is over, there's nothing to do from here but look at how you're feeling and think about how that can inform your choices moving forward.

If, for instance, you feel really scared now, you can evaluate if doing this again soon is right for you. Or, you could just wash your hands first next time, which is always in the best interest of a partner with a vagina anyway, because not washing your hands first can make it more likely for them to get a urinary tract infection from bacteria. See what I'm saying?

[rsdd23]

hey, again thanks for the reply. i will try to describe my scenario and what happened to see my chances.

on her CD8 (cycles lasting 34-36 days on avg) she gave me a handjob and i came on my hands. i went to wash my hands but im afraid i had touched the doorknob with my cum ridden fingers while going inside the washroom and after fingering, touched the same doorknob to come outside. then i fingered my girlfriend with the same hand. all of this happened within 4-5 minutes. i had also fingered her and made her ejaculate 20 minutes prior to this which may have seeped into her vagina. im wondering if i got live sperms in there which can get carried by her vaginal ejaculate to fertilise the egg.

[Heather]

So, like I said, if this already happened there is nothing you can do from here save thinking about how this has you feeling and what you can do (or not do) next time to feel differently.

What you are describing here is not at all how pregnancy happens, though, so it seems to me the first thing you can do is read up on how it actually does: Human Reproduction: A Seafarer's Guide

You'll note that it makes very clear there, as I have already in our talks, that you can't move sperm cells around like you're thinking. It might help, if that link above already doesn't make it clear enough, for you to recognize that sperm are basically the weaker link when it comes to reproduction. They don't actually do most of the work of it, and they are VERY FRAGILE. Much, much too fragile to do anything in the way you're imagining.

Like I said, this happened. It's over. But if you still feel worried about doing this, even when you wash your hands, that says to me that it probably isn't a good idea for you to be being sexual in these ways until you can figure out what you need not to be afraid of irrational things happening.

[rsdd23]

yeah im probably being irrational about this. i wont worry much about this now, but as i have gone through a pregnancy scare (genital rubbing) just this past month where her period was 7 days late, those 7 days were like hell to me and i dont want that happening again. when i did the fingering, i regretted it instantly and started getting anxios whether this could cause pregnancy or not. but as you say this is not at all how pregnancy happens, i will try not to worry about it anymore. thankyou for the replies and sorry if i have troubled or annoyed you or anyone else with my irrational fears.

[Heather]

So, what I hear you saying is that you are doing things that keep leaving you feeling afraid. Probably, in order to get past that, you'll need to stop doing those things -- or doing them in the ways you are -- until you can manage that fear.

I'm not troubled or annoyed, but I do feel like just trying not to worry isn't likely to be effective for you. I think if you want to change how you're feeling, on top of better educating yourself with links like I provided, you will have to do things differently, like maybe slow down and take more time to get comfortable with all of this, or stick to activities that do NOT leave you feeling this way.

[rsdd23]

yeah all this happened on 7th october, 2 weeks before. since then we have not engaged in any sexual activity as we have met just twice, outside of our homes. im just going to wait for her periods now. but knowing this wont cause pregnancy is a bit comforting to me.