Can't ignore social stigma

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mika.m
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Can't ignore social stigma

Unread post by mika.m »

So, I know that people's thinks don't important and I can masturbate with any fantasies that I like, but I think knowing this doesn't work.
Whenever I want to masturbate with my queer fantasies, suddenly stigmas come in my mind and then I lost my boner. It is hard to ignore stigmas even I know that they are unimportant.
Willa
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Re: Can't ignore social stigma

Unread post by Willa »

Hi Mika.m,

I am sorry you are having a hard time with this. Would you like to expand on some of these fantasies or on some of the stigmas that come to mind that make it difficult to enjoy queer fantasies? It can be very difficult to unlearn all of the terrible things society tells us about being queer and sexuality, but not impossible. I am linking a source that may be useful to you to begin: https://www.scarleteen.com/article/poli ... xual_shame
mika.m
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Joined: Sun Dec 17, 2023 9:46 am
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Location: Iran

Re: Can't ignore social stigma

Unread post by mika.m »

Thanks for your source, it seems helpful :)
So I sometimes have some sexual queer fantasies but whenever I remember the news, people's daily words and other things that is anti-queer, I get frustrated and lost my boner in that moments
Sofi
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Re: Can't ignore social stigma

Unread post by Sofi »

I'm glad the article seems helpful - was there any particular part of it that helped, or that you want to discuss?
It can be very hard to focus on pleasure when we have these strong outside influences telling us to feel guilt and shame. Sometimes it's good to slow down and work on that guilt and shame first, instead of trying to "power through", if that makes sense. Is this something you're willing to try?
mika.m
not a newbie
Posts: 66
Joined: Sun Dec 17, 2023 9:46 am
Age: 17
Awesomeness Quotient: No one is flawless
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Location: Iran

Re: Can't ignore social stigma

Unread post by mika.m »

I want to try reading or learning more on this website. I have read quickies section but I want to learn more, can you show me a roadmap?
Sam W
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Re: Can't ignore social stigma

Unread post by Sam W »

Hi Mika,

We'd be happy to point you towards some more pieces that might be helpful for you! To make sure I'm looking for the right things, are you specifically looking for help unlearning or counteracting the shame directed at queer people? And if so, are there particular framings of that shame that feel like the hardest for you to ignore (for example, some people find anti-queer messaging based in religion harder to ignore than anti-queer messages from other sources)?
mika.m
not a newbie
Posts: 66
Joined: Sun Dec 17, 2023 9:46 am
Age: 17
Awesomeness Quotient: No one is flawless
Primary language: Persian(Farsi)
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Location: Iran

Re: Can't ignore social stigma

Unread post by mika.m »

the source of this shame is from society, also I would be happy if you share some roadmap about masturbating ways( as male) too :D
Sam W
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Joined: Mon Jul 28, 2014 9:06 am
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Location: Desert

Re: Can't ignore social stigma

Unread post by Sam W »

Okay! So, here are a few starting places on unlearning or combating shame-based messages:

The Rainbow Connection: Orientation for Everyone (I think the sections towards the end are good for getting positive messages about sexual orientation)
https://www.scarleteen.com/article/poli ... ant_be_out (I think following some of the steps here can help you find even more ways to internalize positive rather than shame-based messages).

As for some starting places for masturbation, I'd go through these three and click links to read more as is interesting to you:
Going Solo: The Basics of Masturbation

Is Masturbation Okay? (Yep.)
How to Approach Sexual Fantasy and Desire on Your Own Terms
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