Do other lesbians practice safer sex? Will it be weird for me to ask?

[Jay27]

I’m interested in nonmonogamy. My partner and I have been practicing safer sex and we’re only sleeping with each other at the moment. Our practices include:
Dental dams every time, nitrile gloves most times (or washing hands right before if we’re not using gloves). We haven’t used toys but we’d put condoms on them if we did. We get tested once or twice a year just in case, and we’d test more often if we had other partners.
If I’m gonna be with multiple people someday, I’d require barriers for everything. Especially because I’m chronically ill and I have a weaker immune system. Would anyone else be willing to do this? I don’t really hear about protection in the lesbian community and I’ve learned everything about it online from Planned Parenthood’s website and this website.

[Willa]

Hi Jay27,

Good for you for practicing safer sex with your partner and planning on how you will set boundaries with future partners. Every individual is different and it will be most important to be upfront about your expectations for safer sex and barriers. In reality, this may not be something everyone may be open to but part of safer sex is waiting to find the partners that are compatible with our own comfort levels. A source that may be helpful as you navigate this is: https://www.scarleteen.com/read/relatio ... al-choices

Another thing I would like to touch on is that even when you are practicing safer sex methods, adding other individuals into your experiences with sex always will come with some level of risk- whether that is from kissing, broken barriers, etc. This is not to deter you but instead, just check in that this new level of risk is something you are comfortable with. Does that make sense?

[Jay27]

I have healthcare through my college health center and there’s a planned parenthood very close by, so I would be able to get treatment if I had anything. I don’t want to keep myself or my girlfriend out of experiences with other people. Like if either of us makes a great connection with someone else, I don’t want to put restrictions on that. I want to be open.
I’m kind of worried about HPV. I got vaccinated as a kid and I know it’s effective. But I’m scared of getting an irregular Pap smear and then having to get chunks of my cervix biopsied without pain relief. How likely is it that I’ll need a colposcopy or a LEEP? I already had pain with the speculum when I got a Pap smear last year so I’d hate to have to get a more painful procedure.

[Sam W]

Hi Jay27,

It's a pretty low percentage of pap smears that come back as irregular in the first place. But even if you did get one that then required further investigation, it's standard to have some form of anesthetic during a cervical biopsy.

[Jay27]

Does the HPV vaccine make it less likely to come back irregular? Also my mom never got anesthesia for hers, are you also american?

[Sam W]

Yep, I'm American, and my source for that is how John Hopkins describes the procedure.

Having had the vaccine does decrease the risk that a pap test would come back abnormal, as you've taken a step that makes it less likely that you'll have the strains of HPV that can cause one.

[Jay27]

Ok that’s good! I have health anxiety and I worry about getting another illness. But I think that’s outweighed by how much I want to date other people. And it’s really unlikely that I’ll end up dating someone who’s never had any partners before like my current relationship. So there’s always some kind of risk.

[Latha]

Hi Jay27,

When you worry about getting another illness, it may help to remind yourself that you do have resources that you can use to handle that, like the college health center and planned parenthood clinic that you mentioned. While there are always some risks, you will be able to handle them, and you will have help.

[Jay27]

There’s nothing I can do to 100% prevent getting sick again in any sense. My body could even develop another chronic illness for no reason. I’m still gonna take precautions but the desire to make connections with other people and let my gf do the same outweighs that. Sometimes I feel like no one else would be willing to take the same precautions I do or to wait at least a few weeks for sex.

[Sam W]

I do think it's sound to recognize that illness is just one of those realities of life that can be mitigated or treated, but not prevented entirely. And weighing whether we're comfortable facing the risks of being sexual with another person is part of figuring out if/how we want to be sexual with others (and that's not even solely things like STIs; if we're kissing someone or in close proximity to them often, it's more likely that we can catch or pass on things like a cold).

I feel confident saying that there are for sure people out there who want to take the same precautions you do, including waiting to be sexual. Too, if someone ISN'T willing to do those things, then what that means is that they're not a good fit for you as a partner, not that they're representative of everyone else who's out there.

[Jay27]

I hope so! I feel like people talk so much about using condoms but protection for sex that doesn’t involve a penis is so unknown and stigmatized. I already get anxious about sex and using barriers lowers the anxiety.