Oral Masturbation Question and How to Manage Transmed Beliefs?

[Demigirl09]

Hi there again,
So I have been engaging in Oral Masturbation for a month and a half and have noticed that my mouth is normally dry after. I was wondering if it is normal for your mouth to be dry after swallowing your body fluids, or since I currently have seasonal allergies is it a result of that? 2nd as a result of some negative experiences I have had with some nonbinary people who present as their assigned sex I have started to develop some transmed beliefs, I am getting quite tired of these female presenting agender/nonbinary AFABs who say that they have the exact same gender experience that I as a binary mtf do and are quick to call me enbyphobic when I say that we have different experiences. How would you recommend I manage these transmed beliefs?
Thank You,
Nat
(She/They)

[Latha]

Hi Nat!

I don't think the dry mouth is anything to worry about. Your seasonal allergies could be contributing to it, but also, just breathing through your mouth or keeping it open for a while can cause dryness all on its own.

Now, about these transmed beliefs. I don't know the context for these discussions you've been having, so I can't comment much on them right now. But between this post and some of your other ones, it does sound like you've had some frustrating experiences with people you understand to be AFAB and nonbinary.

Here is a question: What if these are just a couple people who are AFAB nonbinary and incidentally have opinions you disagree with? That doesn't mean that every AFAB nonbinary person out there has the same opinions. And it certainly doesn't mean that they as a group are less valid in their experiences as trans people.

How can you manage these beliefs? Frustration make make us over-focus on some things, so divert your attention. If someone says something you disagree with, don't spend much of your time thinking about it- spend that time on activities that you enjoy. Don't build a case against a whole group of people just because you have had issues with some of them. When you feel up to it, try to learn some more about the experiences of nonbinary people, including nonbinary people who seem to present in a manner that matches their AGAB. It could help you reframe your thoughts around this.

[Sam W]

Hi Demigirl,

In addition to what Latha said, I want to add a few other points that might help. One is that it's not inherently nonbinaryphobic to point out that the experiences of a non-binary person and a trans woman might be different in some ways if we're talking about a specific nonbinary person and a specific trans person, because a lot of diversity of experiences exists within those two groups as it is. One nonbinary person's experiences might have more overlap with one trans woman's experiences, while two trans women's experiences might have remarkably little overlap, and so on. So you don't need to "correct" your mindset if all it amounts to is you sometimes feeling, or even saying, "hey, in this instance, I actually think our experiences are different."

Now, if you find yourself starting to feel like "This group of people/person using trans to describe themselves isn't REALLY trans," that is something to unlearn or rein in as a reaction. The reason I say that is that, ultimately, gatekeeping around who really gets to claim an identity doesn't accomplish anything other than frustration and hurt for everyone involved.

[Demigirl09]

Hello Latha and Sam,
So I understand your points and feel that they are reasonable.
I do feel at times that binary trans and nonbinary should be separate categories as the experiences are different the same way that the experiences of a Lesbian and a Pan woman are different. Latha since I know you said that I could start by learning more about Nonbinary and experiences I want to say that I have done a bunch and feel that some Nonbinary people don’t have the same interest in learning about my binary mtf experience. I definitely know that not all AFAB Nonbinary people are bad people as my 7th grade science teacher was AFAB Nonbinary and goes by She/They pronouns and she has been amazing and super helpful on my gender journey so much so that we still talk 2 years later. Also just so I know for when I start having partnered sex, is semen supposed to dry out your mouth? I am aware that during partnered oral you would use a condom to prevent against STDs, but I am still curious anyway.


Thank You,
Nat
(She/They)

[Sam W]

Hi Demigirl09,

I think you're right that, sadly, even being a member of the queer or trans community doesn't automatically mean that someone will be interested in or go to the effort of learning about the experiences of other groups within that community. Really, at a certain point all we can do is try to be informed and welcoming on our end and try to encourage that as the norm in the spaces we're a part of.

As for semen making your mouth dry, some people do seem to anecdotally report noticing that.