Anxiety from fingering

[lexiee]

Hi, im a 19 -year-old girl and i’ve been losing my mind for the past month.

In last month me and my boyfriend had manual sex. He fingered me and gave me oral. I also gave him oral and jerked him off. When he came, he came over his tummy and nothing flew on me.

We’ve talked about the situation and can find not a single thing that i should worry about, pregnancy wise.

Even though i agree, i still have major anxiety. I don’t believe there is any way that i could be pregnant from what we did but i’d like a confirmation. Is it impossible to get pregnant from getting fingered or been given head?

I got my period on time, cycle was 28 days which is normal for me. Period lasted for 5 days with a bit of spotting before and some brown discharge after. I was super relieved cause i knew i had nothing to worry about. All the anxiety that i felt was gone in an instant and the nausea, that anxiety gives me, aswell.

Everything was fine untill about 12 days after my period had started. I don’t have any idea where the fear of pregnancy came, but it came back even worse.

For a week i have had nausea, stomach pains, insomnia and crazy anxiety. I couldn’t stay asleep and when i did i woke up shaking from the anxiety.

Then i did the thing that no one should do aka start googling symptoms and whatnot. I came accross a cryptic pregnancy and it completely skyrocketed my anxiety. It became so bad that i have had trouble eating without nausea.

The worst part is that cause im still scared out of my mind i can’t not believe that this pregnancy scare and nausea aren’t related. I guess i’d like to know that how unlikely is it to experience, what i believe was, a normal period after manual- and oral sex and to be pregnant. I’ve also noticed that when im not as anxious or when i get a wave of reassurance that i have nithing to worry about, my symptoms basically vanish.

Feels good to get it out of my system and just rant about how im feeling. Thank you in advance.

[Sam W]

Hi lexiee,

So, what I want to focus on is the fact that you know this isn't how pregnancy occurs, but that knowing so hasn't gotten rid of the anxiety. When that happens, it's generally because there's something else going on that's leading us to worry we're pregnant when there simply isn't a chance of it. Can you give this piece a read for me and tell me if any of the reasons given feel like they apply to you? You're Not Pregnant. Why Do You Think You Are?

It doesn't surprise me that when you feel reassured or less anxious, your symptoms go away. Because the symptoms you're describing are symptoms of anxiety, rather than pregnancy, so when you're able to let go of that anxiety for a time, the physical symptoms subside.

[lexiee]

Thank you so much for answering. It feels good to talk to someone other than my boyfriend who is constantly trying to reassure and calm me down.

I did read the piece and i feel like my anxiety might come from a few different reasons.

First of all i’ve had anxiety basically my whole life and my stomach is always the first to react to stress or anything similar. In the past three years i’ve been through few quite traumatic experiences. The biggest and possibly the one that actually could be behind this scare has to do with my mom. Long story short she doesn’t approve my boyfriend at all even though they haven’t met. She believes that certain choices i have made were because of him, for example quitting a beloved sport. I quit it because i was completely burned out and did not have time to do anything else than go to training or competitions. After i told her that i want to quit, she basically cut all contact with me for almost a year.

We have since found common ground, but she has not apologised for anything she said or did. We lived in the same house but it felt like i didn’t exist to her.

I feel like that was the turning point in my anxiety and my overall self confidence. If i were pregnant i would have to tell my mom, because she would find out anyway. I think im actually more afraid of her reaction since i have no idea what she would do. And since i absolutely do not want to go through anything like that year ever again, it probably makes my anxiety even worse.

During that time my heart was quite literally shattered into a million pieces. She made me feel like i don’t deserve anything and that im not worthy of feeling loved. I guess that has also made me think that i deserve everything bad that this world can give me.

I honestly don’t think that my anxiety would be this bad if it weren’t for my mom.

I often feel like i need reassurance that i actually am worthy of feeling happy and being loved. It’s just hard to believe after the things she said and did.

I am going to take a test tomorrow with my boyfriend to get some answers, what ever they might be. Im scared out of mind that i might be pregnant even after the obvious signs. Period that camr exactly on time, suspected ovulation; on cycle day 12 brown tinted stretchy discharge (also on time since i get the egg-white discharge about a week after my period), followed by watery discharge for a couple of days, and then my discharge quite radically thickening up on around days 16-17. Now on day 24 i’ve been having basically no discharge but the tiniest amount of pink spotting. (Not uncommon since i experience it usually every time im extremely anxious)

Basically there is nothing that says i could be pregnant. My anxiety gives me bad physical symptoms such as nausea, stomach cramps, shaking, back and shoulder pains you name it. I guess it’s the nausea, stomach cramps and the spotting that are making me scared. I’ve read that stress this bad can cause worse pms than normally and make them come earlier than normally. The symptoms still throw me off-guard.

[Sam W]

That does sound like an incredibly anxiety-provoking and all around stressful experience to have had with your mom, and I'm so sorry that she reacted to you making the choice that felt right for you--and that was yours to make--around a sport. Are you two still living in the same space? Or are you at least living somewhere where your parent isn't going to be making you feel awful while you're stuck with them?

I agree that a lot of your anxiety, especially as it ties to feeling like you might not even be worthy of love or happiness, sounds like it's linked to how your mom behaved toward you. And, while I could be wrong, given her reaction to you quitting, I get the sense that maybe you had felt for some time that her love was conditional on you doing what she wanted you to. Have you ever been able to see a professional about your anxiety? Or as a space to process what happened with your mom?

With how this ties to pregnancy fears, it can help to pregnancy is ultimately a biological phenomenon. People will talk about it as punishment (or as a blessing, for that matter), but it doesn't happen because of how much or how little someone wants or "deserves" it. It happens if certain biological conditions and processes occur. Does that make sense?