Do condoms fail easily?

[kaualves2]

Last saturday, I had PIV sex with my girlfriend (which lasted, at most, about 10 minutes). Some things got a little out of our control (involving some anxiety), so we stopped and I gave her all the support. I ended up not even looking to see if my condom, for example, had broken - I removed it from my penis in the dark, without even looking at it. I totally forgot! Now I'm a little worried.

Does this fail easily? If it had burst, would it have made a noise or something? I didn't cum either, by the way.

[KierC]

Hi Kaualves2,

Condoms are made to be durable, and they’re made to work to prevent pregnancy and STIs when used correctly. They are 98% effective with perfect use, and 86% effective with typical use. So, with perfect use (if the condom fit properly, if it was placed properly, and if there was enough lubrication the whole time), the condom shouldn’t break. Too, because you did not ejaculate, you can be sure that there was basically no risk here (we can never say vaginal intercourse is 100% without risk).

Some people can *sometimes* hear a small pop if a condom significantly breaks, and it is sometimes possible to notice a broken condom by feeling it while taking it off, but these are not as reliable methods as physically checking the condom after sexual activity. I would also check out this article, an introduction on proper condom usage, so you can be sure you’re using them correctly.

I’m sorry to hear, though, that you’ve been having some more anxiety around sexual activity and pregnancy risk. Is anxiety something you’ve been struggling with in general, or is it mostly pertaining to pregnancy risk?

[kaualves2]

Hiii! Thanks. I don't think it actually broke, if not, I would have noticed somehow, i guess - but I don't trust my attention that much, haha. We didn't make that much effort, either - after all, it was something that didn't last long. But next time, I will check carefully.

I am a very anxious person at many points in my life! But, during sex, only thing that worries me a lot is the issue of pregnancy. It's something that constantly scares me, which is why I avoid PIV

[Sam W]

Hi kaualves2,

In addition to what Kier said, when a condom breaks it's going to be noticeable; you'll see the break, and in some cases one or both partners will feel it happen. So, if you didn't notice anything wrong with it when you removed it, then you can assume it did its job.

Since pregnancy is a big source of anxiety for you, can you and your partner talk about setting a firm boundary where you only engage in sexual activities where you feel comfortable with the risks, if any, that are involved?

[kaualves2]

Thanks, Sam! Yes, this will definitely be a conversation we have - it's essential that it's something that's comfortable for both of us. Pregnancy is something that really scares me, so I plan to avoid PIV.

Given the situation that occurred, there are not so many pregnancy risks since I didnt ejaculate, right? My fear is that some precum has escaped or something (even though I don't really believe it was broken)

[KierC]

Hi Kaualves2,

I’m glad to hear that you plan to discuss these boundaries with your partner. How are you feeling about approaching the conversation?

I hear you that you’re still worried about pregnancy risk, and I think the underlying anxiety is the more immediate thing to address here. As Sam said, if you didn’t notice anything wrong with the condom when you removed it, you can assume it did its job and that the fluids were contained. It sounds, though, like the conversation you plan to have with your partner will set you both up to move forward with activities where you’re comfortable with the risks involved, and hopefully that will start to ease some anxieties. How does that sound?