How to find balance in Throuple romantic relationships

[xiaoge]

So I am into this relationship last mouth, I falling in love at first sight with a guy each other but he has a boyfriend aside,I was thought that there's no chance between us but he gives me his number and then we date the next day, I thought that I be the other man in their relationship, untill I meet his boyfriend seperately and then I realised that its a date...
Finally, we three are together as a whole throuple.But I feels unsafe because there's no sterotype that could support me as a reference or experience that I can work with, how could I find balance between three and make everything equal and nice?And what about sex?Should two of us three meet/date/have sex seperately?How to communicate with three?Honestly, I don't know because I only had one relationship in college last less than 2 weeks and even only kissed once and I so nervous about it am I try to handle something way too big?I'm insercure.

[Latha]

Hello Xiaoge!

You're right, it can be really hard to imagine how a new relationship might work if you don't have any examples - this is a common issue for people who are new to polyamory. Thankfully, the skills you need to manage a polyamorous relationship are not all that different from the ones you need for monogamous relationships or friendships. As you suggested, communication is very important - you also need to have a good sense of your own feelings and needs, as well as flexibility so you can accommodate those of your partners.

There are so many things you can discuss with your partners, like your desire for an equal and balanced relationship, and the fact that you are not sure how to navigate this new relationship structure. Let's consider your question about sex and dating: should the three of you date and have sex separately? Start by asking yourself what you want in this situation. Would you want to date or have sex with one of your partners if the other isn't around? Then, ask your partners how they feel about this question.

On that note, I want to clarify something. You are in a relationship with two people now: the guy you fell in love with, and his boyfriend. It sounds like you weren't expecting this when it happened. How do you feel about the boyfriend? Are you interested in dating him as well?

We have a series on polyamory that should serve as a good introduction to this topic. Would you read it and tell us if you have any questions?