I have never felt pleasure

[burntmallow]

I've been dating my partner for about 4 months now and we've had sex a few times, but honestly, I have never felt anything during them. I don't have the heart to tell her that I just fake it every time. But I've been really puzzled as well. I don't feel anything when she touches my private areas, they just feel like any other body part. I don't even know if I have felt sexual desire either. Sometimes when I haven't seen her in while, or when she looks extra nice I get a little funny feeling down there, but it never progresses from there, enough for me to want to initiate sex. But I have this strange thing, where I get extremely wet when she cries. Don't judge me, but that has been a "thing" I was aware of since I was little. I have been interested in porn. I never really masturbate, besides occasionally using the bidet on my parts down there, and I did find that pleasureable. I've tried it with my own fingers but I never really get wet enough so it just kinda hurts, I prefer just kinda rubbing it with clothing on. Even so it just feels like. slightly ticklish, never enough for me to orgasm... which looks really good... I do have to say. I'm quite jealous of people who are able to. But again, strangely, I have orgasmed in my dreams? While I was sleeping with my partner? I dunno. This all just confuses me. Nothing adds up.

[Heather]

HI there, burntmallow.

No one here is going to judge what your body is sexually responsive to. That's both not in anyone's control, but we also know around here that human sexuality is a wildly diverse thing that often involves a whole lot of things that surprise folks.

I have some ideas, but I first want to ask a few questions so I have a better idea of the big picture here and can give you the best advice.

When you say you have never felt pleasure, can you say more about what you mean? Pleasure just means enjoyment, basically, so do you mean that no matter what kind of ways you and your partner have explored being sexual together, you haven't enjoyed any part of any of that? Or when you say "pleasure" are you instead talking about things like orgasm?

When you say you don't feel anything when your partner touches you, do you mean you literally can't feel their touch, or do you mean that that touch just hasn't felt exciting or enjoyable to you?

When you say you aren't sure if you have felt sexual desire, including on your own, do you mean that even when you have tried the kinds of masturbation you have described, it wasn't desire (and sometimes "desire" can just mean curiosity, for the record) that led you to explore those things, but something else? If so, any sense of what that somethign else was?

Lastly, can I ask how you started dating your partner? Did you pursue this as a sexual relationship yourself? Were you looking for one? Have you felt sexual attraction to them at any point in any of your relationship? If not, can you talk a little about why you decided to do sexual things with them?