is this normal behavior in adolescence?

[meowwwwwww123]

ok so i just had a cringe memory from when i was like. 12. and this was probably 2020 so if ykyk, this was during my lemon demon phase. (for context he’s a musician who makes silly and weird music) and one of his songs is called two trucks.

literallt the lyrics are
two trucks having sex
my muscles involuntary flex

ETC.

so i remembered when i was like 12 singing that song on a discord call with my friends and i think they were very annoyed w me i think told me to shut up but i sang that WHOLE song i was determined..

anyway i don’t think (?) it would be considered sexual harassment bc my intent wasn’t to make ppl uncomfortable and i was 12 (obv lmk if it is cause then yikes)

i’m just wondering if this is normal behavior.. i know when ur younger it’s harder to understand boundaries and i would def not do that now (17 currently) or if i was just a weirdo

ty

[Heather]

Hey there.

I don't think this is anything for you to be concerned about. Sexualized or sexual lyrics or other media are often things young people lack the context to understand or, even when they get something is sexual, be something young people don't get the impact of. Too, boundary pushing is also pretty common behaviour for children and adolescents, like you mentioned.

I don't think there is any reason to sweat this, truly.

[mikky]

Hi!
Just popping in because I noticed all of your posts here so far have been worries about memories you have where you fear you've sexually harassed someone else. Does this feel like a particularly sticky thought for you? Do you often revisit memories in a way that feels distressing?

[2kEgklitter000]

I would more so worry about why you feel so guilty all the time because this behavior is normal for a 12 yr old especially an unaware one in 2020 (i have ocd and have alot of guilt from thoughts)

[meowwwwwww123]

yeah i do have OCD, it’s literally ruining my life rn. idk what to do. like im worried that anything i do could be read as sexual harassment, like i want to dye my hair pink but some people think people with bright hair are sexually provocative or something, and i don’t want ppl to sexualized me or feel uncomfortable.

i just dk what to do, i think it’s like some weird purity culture thing that’s been instilled in me, even though i didn’t grow up religious it seems im dealing with moral scrupulosity ocd

[mikky]

Hey again!
To be super, crystal clear and transparent, something we cannot do here is provide reassurance for every worry a user has. If you aren’t sure what that means, basically, if we answered every one of these questions or worries that your OCD is bullying you with, we’d probably all be here for a very long time, and you wouldn’t feel any better or any more sure that you aren’t harassing others!

OCD is a huge bully. I think of my OCD like Audrey II in Little Shop of Horrors- it wants to be fed, which makes it grow, so it needs to be fed even more, and when it finds something really tasty to latch on to, it goes bananas. Worrying about perpetuating harm is a fantastic substrate for OCD precisely because it is complicated, confusing, carries great weight both culturally and personally, and it often seems nearly unspeakable.

Whether or not we grow up in a religious environment, most of us wind up carrying around some of the worries of a culture that loves to churn out shame (also: from speaking with users your age and from personal experience, it seems like some social media/internet communities are weirdly SUPER into moral purity). When I read your posts, I also see you aren’t just concerned about causing harm (via sexual harassment), you also don’t want to be sexualized and want to protect yourself. You deserve safety, freedom, and protection from being sexualized, but unfortunately, at times others in the world might be disrespectful or have values that are harmful. That is a lot to be carrying, and I can see why you are feeling like OCD is ruining your life, and why so many of these thoughts are feeling very strong to you.

Ideally, we gather skills to combat OCD and learn to answer these really scary questions (Did I do something terrible? Am I a bad person?) with “I do not need to know,” but it is hard to get there without support.
Do you see anybody (therapist, counselor, psychiatrist) for OCD? How does it feel right now to sit in an “I don’t know?”

[meowwwwwww123]

yes im in therapy! i’ve mentioned it to my therapist in passing bc she’s not an ocd specialist, but i should talk to her abt it. thx for the response

[meowwwwwww123]

honestly i think what im gonna do is i’ll put on a whole face of makeup and dye my hair to combat the OCD…….

[mikky]

I hope you enjoy that experience- it sounds like in the past, you've really enjoyed getting to have personal expression and dressing up. Challenging the OCD by doing things that you value is a great tactic. When I was in intensive OCD treatment, one of the first things I was asked to do was figure out what my values even are, since OCD had muddied that up for me!

While traditional talk therapists aren't always equipped or trained to help with OCD or sex ed, if you have a good relationship with her, it might be helpful to give this context so she can help support with the emotional side of things! Like I said, it doesn't sound easy for you right now.