pregnancy scare

[HannahP]

Sure! How about you start by reading the article I linked and then let me know what you need more information about?

[grace1019]

like what does it mean for on or arounf the vulva or vagina

[KierC]

Hi Grace,

Apologies! I was reading your last response on Page 1 of this thread — I just read your most recent reply. When you ask about the vulva or vagina, could you restate your question? Are you asking what those terms mean?

[grace1019]

Kinda, more like where they are on the body, more specifically the vulva
Im having troulbe finding it online

[KierC]

Oh, I understand now! Thank you. We have a great article with diagrams that can help you locate the vulva on the body: Innies & Outies: The Vagina, Clitoris, Uterus, and More!. There’s some more diagrams here too: With Pleasure: A View of Whole Sexual Anatomy for Every Body.

Does looking at those diagrams help? If a short description helps too, the vulva is the external part with the flaps of skin (called the “labia”). The vagina refers to the canal that goes inside the body, whereas the vulva is the outside part.

[grace1019]

Oh okay thank you, i just cant break my anxiety cycle, constantly looking back on why i literally cant be pregnant

[HannahP]

Hey Grace. I'm sorry that you feel so stuck in this loop! We get a lot of questions here from people who are feeling similarly anxious about pregnancy, so it's something we're pretty familiar with. One thing that we know is that once you're stuck in that anxiety cycle, there's not really any information you can read or hear that will convince that anxious part of your brain that there's nothing to worry about. Instead, I strongly suggest that you take a break from the internet and from looking up information about pregnancy for a little bit. Could you ask a friend or family member or your boyfriend if they could help you take a break?

[grace1019]

Yeah fs, just to ease myself; ive literally done nothing, in my previous relationship i did the full 9 yards with a condom and now i just did a handjob and think its the end of the world!

[HannahP]

That's a big change! Did you feel this anxious about pregnancy when you were in your previous relationship as well?

[grace1019]

No, due to me mainly not thinking at all lol, i was more uneducated back then.
I like to ground myself like that and remember thats how people actually get pregnant, not from just giving a handjob with jeans and everything on..

[HannahP]

Yes, that's a great reminder for yourself! I'm glad that the part of you that knows you're not pregnant is starting to speak up a bit. Do you have any ideas for something soothing and relaxing you could do to take care of yourself after all this stress?

[grace1019]

Not entirely, i strongly struggle with not being reminded constantly, like oh my stomach hurts- must mean im prego! or my mind wonders

[grace1019]

but for assurances, my way of collecting myself (literally having intercourse with a condom, is higher risk that now worry) is valid? sometimes i feel like its stupid and what im scared of could happen; like i could be the one

[aarija]

hi grace,
I think that holding on to the fact that you've had intercourse with a condom and didn't get pregnant is a good starting point in collecting yourself. Our minds like to play games and send lots of thoughts up for consideration. But we can decide which thoughts to entertain and which ones can just float through and be on their way. Anytime the question of pregnancy comes up, hold on to the reminder that there is no way you can be pregnant and let that question float on by.

With anxiety loops, it's important to step away from the environment that is feeding the loop. In this case, surfing the net for answers every time your mind wonders if you're pregnant is feeding your anxiety further. It does take some discipline to resist that urge for reassurance, and it can help to have some go to activities that can take your mind away from the worry. How do you like to spend your free time? Is there an activity you have which occupies your mind?

[grace1019]

i like playing games

[Jacob]

Gaming can be a pretty good distraction, are there any games that you find particularly calming?

Also, have you considered getting help from family and possibly professionals around anxiety/rumination? It can be kinda difficult to manage this on your own.

We have a recently published article that you might find really helpful, it's not about pregnancy anxiety, but it is about other invasive thoughts by one of our volunteers, how she experienced it, how she got through it and what it felt like getting to the other side: Embracing Vulnerability and Discomfort with Sexually Intrusive Thoughts

[grace1019]

so how come when i google things such as can a handjob get me pregnant it says maybe? but sites such as yours say theres no risk, why is that? why is it maybe?

[Jacob]

Heya, before I answer your question, I've locked your other thread (where you asked the same question) to keep our conversation focused.

Also do you want to try answering my follow up questions? It would be great to know what sort of help you think you could get around anxiety, and what activities might help you!

My guess is if you're googling these things that scare you, you maybe aren't finding time to read bits that might be more helpful! So, I would ask you to take some sloooow breaths and then come spend some more time talking to us about the anxiety side of this.

Do you think you can do that?

If so, I can come back with an answer to your question before we talk more about how we can help you around mental health etc. Does that sound ok?

[grace1019]

yes sounds good

[Jacob]

Here's what I was asking before:

Gaming can be a pretty good distraction, are there any games that you find particularly calming?

Also, have you considered getting help from family and possibly professionals around anxiety/rumination? It can be kinda difficult to manage this on your own.

[grace1019]

stardew valley

[Jacob]

stardew valley

Nice! I just looked it up and it looks very chill, I love those pixel graphics! I'm glad you have that as an outlet.

How about my question around whether you've considered getting help around anxiety and rumination?

I understand that might be a scary question to try and answer but it's ok to say how you feel about it if you don't have a clear "yes or no" right now.

[grace1019]

Im good i take meds, what about my questions

[Jacob]

I'm glad to know that you are probably receiving some kind of care if you have been prescribed medication, and I'd encourage you to bring up the issues you've raised here to whoever is providing that care. If you're returning again and again to the same questions and struggling to trust yourself with trusting us, then I'd say there is something more happening beyond "I'm good".

But anyhoo: With your question about googling stuff - I'll say that some of these sources are probably using language similar to scientific papers where the word "impossible" is hardly ever used. You could ask many full-time scientists a question like "What's the possibility of me being able to eat a whole house in five minutes?" and they would still say "Very unlikely" - even though you know, and I know, and they know that in our practical every day lives that that would be impossible. We work in the real world, and we want to be understood, so when something is impossible in so far as it affects your real life, we call it impossible. They use the language they use, we use the language we use.

I don't know how helpful that will be for you if this is more of an anxiety related thing.

However, if so, I do know that the most helpful thing you can do is, often with help from others, work on trusting yourself to make judgements about which information you choose to believe, including information from us. We can't force you to believe us, we can just tell you what we know and the rest is up to you.

[grace1019]

Thats interesting, so its literally impossible, but to relieve legal issues and due to the scientific side they have to say very unlikey? though some sites just bite the bullet and say its impossible?