Girl thinks she's pregnant, what am I supposed to do?

[rodi]

Hi kierc, i read it, vey american so i don't think i'll be able to call all of those numbers or contact any of those organizations, but i got the rest i think, no shaking the baby, trying to make connection with baby mother at least cordial, control anger, not starting using substanzen, not having another baby, try to be present, be aware of my rights. Sounds obviosu but maybe its harder to put in practice than jsut think? Car centric, i can't drive yet, i won't be able to drive for 3 to 4 years, so i don't think it'll be my job to get a baby car seat, sadly no tips on dealing with bad family members on the baby mom side.

Theres a part that says my body will change, though heather had said the baby cann me not affect, i've noticing my body change i'm losing muscle definition and feeling weaker, like i'm losing weeks of progress, and its not losing weight im the same weight so im increasing body fat percentge, and i havent even thought about girls or dating in weeks. Feeling tired, i think i'm shedding hair too, baby is definiivel doign something to me, if not directly.

As for how things have been, shit. mostly goign from school to home to school, dad keeps making me do things, sunday he took me to golf, monday to bjj class, yesterday too, we went to dine out a day, so i'm not isolated. At school everyone is wondering what is happening to me and i can see they speculating and it makes me feel like shit.

biggest thing though is that her parents are taking it to court for pregnancy support, papers dropped monday and dad is dealing with it with lawyer and stuff, he's angry he wanted to deal it with between them, not courts, theres no proof im the baby dad they are using messages we talked that were supposed to be private and otehr stuff, cant do the paternity test yet. i don't even havean income.i have barely even seen her these days.

i full ike things keep getting worse and more dangerous to me and i can't do anything just let things happen, so thingsa re really shitty.

[Heather]

Hey there, rodi. I have an ask out in my circles to try and find people who were teen dads, but so far I have no takers. I'm still looking though, so I'll be sure to send anyone I find to this thread when I find them. I do think it would be really beneficial to you to talk to other people who have been where you are who you aren't related to.

As you know, a fetus growing in someone else's body can't change your body, just like someone else's cancer can't make you feel sick. But as I mentioned before, the stress of all this absolutely can take a toll, and things like hair loss, fatigue, and your body not responding to muscle-building like it did before are all things stress can do. How's it going with that therapist? Do they feel like a good fit for you? Are you feeling supported by them?

I also really hope the adults in your life can get better at managing their own emotions so that you feel the impact of them less: you're carrying a lot of stress around that, too.

I do think it's actually a very good thing that her parents moved child support issues to the court.

It's very clear that few to none of the adults involved in any of this have the capacity to keep a cool head and manage themselves in such a way where trying to work it out between them would go very well. So far, everyone's behavior just seems to show that. The courts, on the other hand, have to keep it together and keep cool, and are bound by rules of law in a way that individuals are not. Courts around the world also generally do a good job protecting minors, which both you and Marcela are, and laws around all of this also have guardrails that individual agreements might not. I think that you're actually going to be much better protected with this being in the hands of the court than you would have been if this was about negotiations between your dad and hers. I just feel like it is almost a given that that would have gone very badly and potentially made things between your families and you and she more difficult, not less.

I can understand you feeling like things are getting worse and worse. I'm sorry it's so uncomfortable for you at school and at home, and that you feel what sounds like an impending sense of dread. It makes sense you're feeling all of these ways: it's not like this isn't major, it really, really is. In terms of how it is at school, does she go to the same school as you? I ask to see if you might want to think about if this might feel better for you if you didn't have to hide out about this. I suspect that -- if she agrees to that or wants that for herself, too, which she might -- at first it might actually feel worse instead of better, just because a lot of gossip about you en masse always feels bad, but in a relatively short period of time, it might wind up feeling a lot better. I don't think there's a right or wrong here, just what feels like it might feel best to you.

I hear you about some of what that resource offered you being very American: it was the best thing I could find with at least some comprehensive information at the time. I did recently find a South American-specific resource, though, for adolescent fathers: you can see information from/about them here https://www.instagram.com/institutopapai/ and here https://institutopapai.blogspot.com/ Honestly, given your grandfather is an obstetrician, I'd also expect that he knows some more about more local resources, and if not him, then the therapist you have been seeing might be another good resource.

I'm out for the rest of the day, but I will be back in the morning briefly and can check back in with you again then if you like. <3

[rodi]

I'm still seeing them, don't know if it is working, might be going aswell as it can go.

I dont like it going to court, because there's not even confirmation that's my baby and things just keep escalating and i don't know where it will end.

We got to different schools and i don't want people to know since its not even sure i'm the father, i read that you don't even anounce a pregnncy in the first trimester. What if the baby ends up not beign mine and everyone thought i was having one?

Thanks for that one, though it's an instagram page for a for the feministboard in a university in northeastern brazil and they dont have much of a national presence, they're on the other side of the country. i will create an instagram, theres a law saying i can't have one but i'll do anways, they might not be able to help me but they might know someone closer. Tge psychologist says shes the support and i did ask grandpa and he said he's not aware of any group with a focus . the group you showed has a creepy video about teen dads and it includes 20plus year olds as teen dads which is unhelpful. im starting to think i'm alone, for some reason, from what i understand is that most just dont care, theres my dad but the main issue was what was done to him. Our situations aren't the same, he was a victim i was stupid.

So i either train myself not to care,

Do you mind if i chagne subject a bit, since not much progress can be done in dealing with the baby situation, but you said many times my dad isn't doing a good job, i will try not to be too defensive but why is that? He works so hard, i'm not tryign to bear the weight for him, i'm just trying to not add to what he already carries.